A lot can happen in twenty years. Twenty years from now you could find yourself married with children, settled into your dream career, or going to that dreaded high school reunion just to see if the head cheerleader actually did end up dating the football captain. Twenty years is, however, far too young to take your last breath.
A good friend of mine passed on Sunday; tonight was his viewing. The funeral home was packed with family members and friends from all walks of life. It didn’t hit me until I saw him that he was really gone. And I had this awful realization that I would never hear his voice again. I cried and held another good friend of ours as they cried.
We all stepped outside for a smoke. After one, we had a second, and a third. Somewhere along the line we started telling stories about his life—about the crazy stunts, the late nights, and all the occasions where he would make us laugh. And we started laughing. In the midst of this tragedy, we could look at the light he brought in our lives. Those memories are gifts he gave us. And even though this never should have happened, we can remember those moments and smile.
What I have to say tonight, GFB, is to not let life pass you by. Snatch up every moment and love one another fully. Reach out to people you have not heard from in awhile and just ask how they are doing. Build those connections…maintain them and cherish them. Be inspired. Create art. Create SOMETHING. Above all else, just go out there and fucking live man.
Kenn’s life was cut far too short, but he lived every single moment he was given to the fullest. Thank you for being in my life and for the impact you had. See you on the other side man.
Kai
01 March 2012
29 February 2012
Kings United: Lip Syncing/Learning Your Song
HAPPY LEAP YEAR, YA'LL! (and happy birthday to Superman)
So, you have that song picked out, but do not know all of the lyrics. Lip syncing in time with your song is a big part of your performance. Especially if it is a king pageant with judges watching your every move. You need to get the lyrics down and in time. Some kings print out the song so they can read it over while listening to the song. Personally, I write it out to read over a few times while playing it so that my mind recognizes the words from writing them. I tend to drive a lot so that gives me plenty of opportunities to play the song continuously. Below is another was if you do not have access to the lyrics.
First: Get rid of anything that will distract you. You need to focus and relax.
Second: Close your eyes and focus on each word as the artist sings them.
Third: Start with replaying the chorus so you can learn that. It is the catchiest part of the song so it will be the easiest to remember.
Fourth: Learn the bridge the same way as the chorus.
Fifth: From there, start learning the first verse. It will go into the chorus and/or bridge and once you get into it, you will become more confident.
Sixth: Continue the fifth step with each verse.
Seventh: Play the song in its entirety once you learn each verse, chorus, and bridge individually. This will help you match the timing between them and the tune to each.
Continue each step until you are confident enough to get on stage and know the song fully. If you want, you can also test yourself by singing the song in your head while at work where you are not able to read the lyrics or play the song. After you get the lyrics to your song down, then you can move on to dancing and lip syncing together.
Chance Encounters
Drag King
So, you have that song picked out, but do not know all of the lyrics. Lip syncing in time with your song is a big part of your performance. Especially if it is a king pageant with judges watching your every move. You need to get the lyrics down and in time. Some kings print out the song so they can read it over while listening to the song. Personally, I write it out to read over a few times while playing it so that my mind recognizes the words from writing them. I tend to drive a lot so that gives me plenty of opportunities to play the song continuously. Below is another was if you do not have access to the lyrics.
First: Get rid of anything that will distract you. You need to focus and relax.
Second: Close your eyes and focus on each word as the artist sings them.
Third: Start with replaying the chorus so you can learn that. It is the catchiest part of the song so it will be the easiest to remember.
Fourth: Learn the bridge the same way as the chorus.
Fifth: From there, start learning the first verse. It will go into the chorus and/or bridge and once you get into it, you will become more confident.
Sixth: Continue the fifth step with each verse.
Seventh: Play the song in its entirety once you learn each verse, chorus, and bridge individually. This will help you match the timing between them and the tune to each.
Continue each step until you are confident enough to get on stage and know the song fully. If you want, you can also test yourself by singing the song in your head while at work where you are not able to read the lyrics or play the song. After you get the lyrics to your song down, then you can move on to dancing and lip syncing together.
Chance Encounters
Drag King
28 February 2012
Partner Circle: Coming Out, Part II
In our society, there are many different versions of ‘the talk’. In this community, however, the ‘coming out talk’ may be the most monumental we face. For some, this conversation could be potentially life changing, thus making it all the more daunting of a task. By this point, I am going to assume that you and your partner have had said ‘talk’ – they have come out to you as either questioning their gender identity or, having thought long and hard about it, have come to the conclusion they are what we would call transgender. This is not to say that just because your partner has come out to you questioning their gender identity they are automatically trans*. This is why ‘the talk’ is so important, you need to ask your partner how they wish to identity, whether it be as trans*, gender non-conforming, gender neutral, what have you. Once that has been established, one can assume that your conversation ended with the two of you still being together, seeing as you are here reading this.
First things first, I want to compliment you on choosing what I consider to be a more ‘adult’ road. I myself have never had to make this decision, so I cannot imagine being in those shoes. However, love is love is love – it is a completely genderless emotion. So I guess what I am trying to say is…thank you. Thank you for choosing love over fear and sticking with your partner no matter what you face together. But I digress…
Now that you have had the talk with your partner, you need to have one with yourself, and you have to be honest during this conversation. Sometimes, we placate others because we want to see them happy, but we forget about ourselves in the process. Your happiness should be your main focus, and that is not a selfish viewpoint. If you do not keep an eye out for your own happiness, no one else will. Sit down with yourself, take a deep breathe, and ask the questions you were afraid to let yourself ask when your partner first came out to you.
A lot of cis-women who date other cis-women consider themselves lesbians (or gay, whichever your preferred label is) and that label is extremely important to them. I am not saying your self-adhered label should not be important to you, but I am imploring you to realize it is not the most important thing at hand. If you are a cis-woman and your partner comes out to you as transgender, meaning they are female-to-male, society will have us believe that a man and a woman in a relationship denotes a ‘straight couple’. Here is the thing though – if being out with your trans* partner is going to have you constantly worrying about people thinking you are a straight couple, then society is not the issue here…you are.
I know that labels are important to us, I really do. As a queer woman, I know there are people that would not want to date me were I identified as bisexual or pansexual, because there is a stigma associated with those labels. It’s an unfortunate fact in our community that we judge first by label and then by who the person is underneath said label. However, you are not responsible for the community, you are responsible for yourself in your relationship. If being a woman who identifies as a lesbian while being a relationship with a partner who identifies as a man is too much for you, then you need to let each other go. But if you are willing to fight for the relationship, willing to let go of your adamant adherence to a label in favor of your relationship, then I really truly wish you the best in the world.
When in doubt, I suggest always choosing love over fear.
Even if you lose, you are still going to win in the end.
Xx Emily
First things first, I want to compliment you on choosing what I consider to be a more ‘adult’ road. I myself have never had to make this decision, so I cannot imagine being in those shoes. However, love is love is love – it is a completely genderless emotion. So I guess what I am trying to say is…thank you. Thank you for choosing love over fear and sticking with your partner no matter what you face together. But I digress…
Now that you have had the talk with your partner, you need to have one with yourself, and you have to be honest during this conversation. Sometimes, we placate others because we want to see them happy, but we forget about ourselves in the process. Your happiness should be your main focus, and that is not a selfish viewpoint. If you do not keep an eye out for your own happiness, no one else will. Sit down with yourself, take a deep breathe, and ask the questions you were afraid to let yourself ask when your partner first came out to you.
A lot of cis-women who date other cis-women consider themselves lesbians (or gay, whichever your preferred label is) and that label is extremely important to them. I am not saying your self-adhered label should not be important to you, but I am imploring you to realize it is not the most important thing at hand. If you are a cis-woman and your partner comes out to you as transgender, meaning they are female-to-male, society will have us believe that a man and a woman in a relationship denotes a ‘straight couple’. Here is the thing though – if being out with your trans* partner is going to have you constantly worrying about people thinking you are a straight couple, then society is not the issue here…you are.
I know that labels are important to us, I really do. As a queer woman, I know there are people that would not want to date me were I identified as bisexual or pansexual, because there is a stigma associated with those labels. It’s an unfortunate fact in our community that we judge first by label and then by who the person is underneath said label. However, you are not responsible for the community, you are responsible for yourself in your relationship. If being a woman who identifies as a lesbian while being a relationship with a partner who identifies as a man is too much for you, then you need to let each other go. But if you are willing to fight for the relationship, willing to let go of your adamant adherence to a label in favor of your relationship, then I really truly wish you the best in the world.
When in doubt, I suggest always choosing love over fear.
Even if you lose, you are still going to win in the end.
Xx Emily
26 February 2012
FTM Chronicles: Job Interviews
Interviews can be tricky. Maybe you’ve pumped yourself up and walked into the building confidently, but then the nervousness comes back as you make your way to the proper room or as you wait to be called in by a secretary. What to say, what not to say. Everything is going through your mind. Did you remember a pen? Are you wearing appropriate clothing for the job? Time keeps ticking as you wait to start. Then… here he comes and shakes your hand firmly, “you must be Mr. So-and-so. Pleasure to meet you.” You let out the breath that you didn’t even know you were holding.
For some, this process is not scary, but for a trans guy, it can be horrifying. On top of the typical nervousness that comes with a job interview, you have your gender to worry you even more. For a pre-HRT guy, it is normally worse. They may get misgendered a lot and on the phone interview or email, you presented as male. Then comes the interview, and they start messing up on pronouns. If you have not had your name changed yet and are pre-HRT, then it may be even more nerve racking when trying to explain. If you are already on HRT and have a high pass rate (mind you I hate using the term ‘pass‘, but it will help explain in this article), but have not changed your name, then it may or may not be easier to explain. Then there is that stage where you are on HRT, had your name change, but your gender marker is not changed. You get stuck wondering if they will harp on that at all. Depending on the job, they may have different uniforms for male and female. An example may be in security, some have male and female ties for their employees to wear. So how do you know when and how to tell your possible or new employer about your transition or if at all? Let me tackle these one at a time.
First, pre everything. This is the hardest. Some may say not to tell them during the interview process at all and wait to see if you are hired before talking to your employer. You may or may not be able to do this. Personally, when I was pre everything, I held off on telling possible employers because I found that if I did disclose this information in the interview, then I did not get the job. It all depends on the interviewer and how the process was approached. Use your own judgment because you do not want to put yourself in harms way.
Second, pre HRT but had name change. Depending on how you pass will determine if you need to disclose anything. If you go in there, the interviewer is using the proper pronouns, then you know you are fine until at least filling out the hiring packet and such if you get hired. If that happens then just fill out the paperwork. Do not ask questions on gender or name change. If it asks for a prior name if applicable, then put your old one down (even if your record is sealed). The interviewer most likely will not even look at that since that is back office stuff. When you hand over your id for the one identification part, just do so. In some states, the marker is so small, that they will not notice it since it is not what they need to type in. If it comes up, then discuss what you are comfortable with.
Now, if they did not start with the right pronouns (maybe they do a double take or looked confused when calling your name), then just merely correct them. There are enough androgynous people out there that they may just feel like they messed up and will then apologize.
Third, started HRT but not name change. Now it gets easier. They most likely will not even bring it up, but if they do, then just say what you are comfortable with disclosing. Hell, even blame your parents. Just claim they were hippies or whatnot when you were born and they gave you a girl’s name. Things get easier on HRT in this department because they do not look at your identification until after hired so your gender marker will not pose as an issue in the hiring process especially once on HRT and having had a name change.
Lastly, on HRT, had name change, and gender marker changed. My best policy in the case, go stealth. No one needs to know your personal life nor your past life. Work is work. It is not personal. You can be out about it, sure. But only do what you are comfortable with doing and what will benefit your career. I know guys that are teachers and stay stealth entirely because of worrying it will affect their career.
I want to say a few last things before ending this. Be safe and be cautious. Just because someone is gay friendly, gay, or liberal, does not mean they are trans friendly. Always put your life and career first. Do not put yourself in harms way. There are a lot of assholes in the world that will not think twice before doing something stupid. I do not want to wake up and hear about a brother, or sister, of mine getting hurt or worse. So always use caution and safety. Next week I will tackle correcting co-workers who are misgendering you, whether an accidental one time thing or on purpose to be ignorant.
Be safe, ya’ll.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
For some, this process is not scary, but for a trans guy, it can be horrifying. On top of the typical nervousness that comes with a job interview, you have your gender to worry you even more. For a pre-HRT guy, it is normally worse. They may get misgendered a lot and on the phone interview or email, you presented as male. Then comes the interview, and they start messing up on pronouns. If you have not had your name changed yet and are pre-HRT, then it may be even more nerve racking when trying to explain. If you are already on HRT and have a high pass rate (mind you I hate using the term ‘pass‘, but it will help explain in this article), but have not changed your name, then it may or may not be easier to explain. Then there is that stage where you are on HRT, had your name change, but your gender marker is not changed. You get stuck wondering if they will harp on that at all. Depending on the job, they may have different uniforms for male and female. An example may be in security, some have male and female ties for their employees to wear. So how do you know when and how to tell your possible or new employer about your transition or if at all? Let me tackle these one at a time.
First, pre everything. This is the hardest. Some may say not to tell them during the interview process at all and wait to see if you are hired before talking to your employer. You may or may not be able to do this. Personally, when I was pre everything, I held off on telling possible employers because I found that if I did disclose this information in the interview, then I did not get the job. It all depends on the interviewer and how the process was approached. Use your own judgment because you do not want to put yourself in harms way.
Second, pre HRT but had name change. Depending on how you pass will determine if you need to disclose anything. If you go in there, the interviewer is using the proper pronouns, then you know you are fine until at least filling out the hiring packet and such if you get hired. If that happens then just fill out the paperwork. Do not ask questions on gender or name change. If it asks for a prior name if applicable, then put your old one down (even if your record is sealed). The interviewer most likely will not even look at that since that is back office stuff. When you hand over your id for the one identification part, just do so. In some states, the marker is so small, that they will not notice it since it is not what they need to type in. If it comes up, then discuss what you are comfortable with.
Now, if they did not start with the right pronouns (maybe they do a double take or looked confused when calling your name), then just merely correct them. There are enough androgynous people out there that they may just feel like they messed up and will then apologize.
Third, started HRT but not name change. Now it gets easier. They most likely will not even bring it up, but if they do, then just say what you are comfortable with disclosing. Hell, even blame your parents. Just claim they were hippies or whatnot when you were born and they gave you a girl’s name. Things get easier on HRT in this department because they do not look at your identification until after hired so your gender marker will not pose as an issue in the hiring process especially once on HRT and having had a name change.
Lastly, on HRT, had name change, and gender marker changed. My best policy in the case, go stealth. No one needs to know your personal life nor your past life. Work is work. It is not personal. You can be out about it, sure. But only do what you are comfortable with doing and what will benefit your career. I know guys that are teachers and stay stealth entirely because of worrying it will affect their career.
I want to say a few last things before ending this. Be safe and be cautious. Just because someone is gay friendly, gay, or liberal, does not mean they are trans friendly. Always put your life and career first. Do not put yourself in harms way. There are a lot of assholes in the world that will not think twice before doing something stupid. I do not want to wake up and hear about a brother, or sister, of mine getting hurt or worse. So always use caution and safety. Next week I will tackle correcting co-workers who are misgendering you, whether an accidental one time thing or on purpose to be ignorant.
Be safe, ya’ll.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
23 February 2012
It's A Butch World Out There: Question Time Part Two
Good evenin’ Genderfuk Boiz! Hey, remember that time I wrote up that blog? Y’know, the one that had all those questions about what the heterosexual, cis-gendered population thought about the Butch community?
I’m not sure if you had noticed, but at the bottom of that article I also mentioned that in a follow-up piece I would be directing those very same questions at members of the LGBTQ community. Well, here it is folks.
I’ve asked people I know what they think and how they perceive us. Now I want to hear your thoughts! What do you think about these questions? What do you think it means to be butch? Let me know in a comment below!
1. How do you define the term butch?
-Personally I define the term butch as a person who feels more comfortable not really identifying as a male, but being more of a masculine figure. Such as a girl who feels they are happier being the 'guy' in relationships, or being a gentleman and holding a door open, or buying dinner for a lady. A person who likes themselves for who they are and shows that on the outside with no second thought.
-I don't have a definition for the term butch exactly. I would say someone who seems particularly masculine I guess?
-I define it as taking on more masculine qualities, physically and/or mentally.
- Butch refers to someone who exhibits characteristics which typically are associated with men.
-Someone who has a more male personality, or appearance.
- Butch I would define as masculinised femininity, but I don't really like the term all that much?
2. Who does the term apply to? Does it exclude genders other than female?
-It usually applies to females I would say. I have never outright thought about a guy being butch, but I wouldn't exclude anyone from the term. It seems reasonable that you could use almost any term on either gender and not be looked down on for it.
- I think the term could apply to all genders.
-Heck no. When I hear the word "butch" right away I tend to think female but labels mean limitations and I don't believe there are limitations when it comes to gender and personal identity. I'm sure there are dudes out there that identify more as butch than a flat-out guy.
- It can apply to anyone. A man can be butchier than another man.
-I believe applies to everyone, regardless of gender.
- To me it would mostly apply to any part of the female-leaning part of the spectrum.
3. Is butch more in the attitude of a person or in their attire?
-Honestly it's both. It's a mindset that someone puts themselves in and feels happy with it. The outside appearance is merely an expression of how that person thinks or feels they should look like.
-I think of butch mostly in terms of attire.
-I think that depends on the individual. Some people express it more through their actions and others more so through their physical appearance. "Butch" is a confidence but also a
style.
-It's both. You can dress butch and act butch. They kind of go together, too.
-It can be either your attitude or your attire, or both
- A combination- I always think of a more aggressive (not mean, just assertive maybe??) person when I hear the term.
4. How would you respond to the statement, "Oh, you aren't gay. You really just want to be a man."? [Note: This is something people have said to me, and I’m sure it’s been said to others as well. I’m curious to see reactions—whether folks agree/disagree, etc.]
-I think I should have been a man. From when I could remember I always thought like a guy, acted like a guy, and dressed like a guy. MY mannerisms, my attitude, my clothes, and everything about me has always been more on a manly side. I believe it's different for every person. But, I AM a girl. I was born a girl and I accept that, be it I'm uncomfortable with it, I'm happy with how I am. I AM gay, I like females. weather I act and portray myself as a woman or a man, I am a woman. And I like women. That in turn, makes me gay. It sort of frustrates me when people say that with a harsh undertone or as a snide comment. If someone says it in jest, I explain what I said earlier to them.
-I would respond that that person is a fucking idiot. Less aggressively, I might say that a person’s preferred gender id has absolutely nothing to do with sexual preference, and acting or dressing in a way that is masculine does not necessarily point to a sexual orientation or gender. People often know whether or not they feel male, female, etc. despite the way they are perceived. And ONLY that person can decide whether or not they "really want to be a man". It pisses me off when people try to define someone in such a personal way simply by their own stupid perceptions of that person. It's how you feel inside. Nothing else really, to me.
-I'd have to laugh because really? If everything was that black and white we'd all be living in a Charlie Chaplin film.
-Accusing someone in a same sex relationship of wanting to assume one of the roles in an opposite sex relationship betrays the narrow thinking of the heteronormative paradigm. You can't shoehorn heterosexual roles into a gay relationship.
-I would look at them; laugh while shaking my head and walk away. Don't see a need to raise my blood pressure over someone stupid. I know who I am.
- Hahaha what??? If this was applicable to me (I dunno, someone calling me a heavily denying lesbian??) I don't... that is rather rude and a ridiculous assumption.
5A. Is butch a label limited to the queer community?
5B. Can an individual who identifies as "straight" be considered butch?
--A. I don't believe it should be, though it seems it normally is.
B. I have met plenty of girls who like guys that are very butch themselves. Tomboys are a prime example of this. They see themselves as females and dress up every now and then, but they feel comfortable being butch most of the time. I see no problem with it, however a person decides to live their life, weather it be the lifestyle i live, or something close to mine. It actually makes me proud to see a butch girl with a guy. Not only for the girl, but for the guy seeing the beauty in the girl.
-a. Butch is a label I don't totally understand within the queer community, so I really don't know. I think it used to be used differently in the past.
b. Again, not sure about it's use within the queer community, but if you're going by common perception ( and the general population's insensitivity) then I think it probably happens often that straight people are labeled by others as "butch". I don't know otherwise.
-(a) I don't think so, no. Things aren't as simple as pink and blue and yellow. There's so much in the way of gender that I can't even wrap my head around telling someone "You can't be butch because you're not gay". It doesn't work like that. (b) Most definitely! For a lot of people the way you present yourself has very little to do with sexual orientation. It's just how you are and who you love is often irrelevant to the way you carry yourself or what shirt you put on in the morning.
-It's not limited to queers. Straight people can be butch. Remember Betty DeVille from the Rugrats?
-No, the label is not limited to the queer community. Anyone can be considered butch, such as a straight female dressing more like a guy, or having a harder, more manly attitude.
-No/Yes
6. Lastly, just for fun: When you hear the word butch, who is the first celebrity who pops into your head?
-MICHELLE Rodriguez by far. From Fast and Furious, S.W.A.T., Resident Evil, yeah... I love her.
- I've never considered a particular. Celebrity to be "butch". ( sorry to spoil the fun). I don't really ever think of anyone as "butch" and I don't know whether I should be trying to integrate it into my vocabulary more, as it seems like it could easily be pejorative
- Does Buttercup from The Powerpuff Girls count?
-Aside from Betty DeVille, I'd probably think of Rosie O’Donnell.
- Rosie O’Donnell
- Before he fully realized who he was and came to terms with it, I would think Chaz Bono presented himself as butch.
-Kai
I’m not sure if you had noticed, but at the bottom of that article I also mentioned that in a follow-up piece I would be directing those very same questions at members of the LGBTQ community. Well, here it is folks.
I’ve asked people I know what they think and how they perceive us. Now I want to hear your thoughts! What do you think about these questions? What do you think it means to be butch? Let me know in a comment below!
1. How do you define the term butch?
-Personally I define the term butch as a person who feels more comfortable not really identifying as a male, but being more of a masculine figure. Such as a girl who feels they are happier being the 'guy' in relationships, or being a gentleman and holding a door open, or buying dinner for a lady. A person who likes themselves for who they are and shows that on the outside with no second thought.
-I don't have a definition for the term butch exactly. I would say someone who seems particularly masculine I guess?
-I define it as taking on more masculine qualities, physically and/or mentally.
- Butch refers to someone who exhibits characteristics which typically are associated with men.
-Someone who has a more male personality, or appearance.
- Butch I would define as masculinised femininity, but I don't really like the term all that much?
2. Who does the term apply to? Does it exclude genders other than female?
-It usually applies to females I would say. I have never outright thought about a guy being butch, but I wouldn't exclude anyone from the term. It seems reasonable that you could use almost any term on either gender and not be looked down on for it.
- I think the term could apply to all genders.
-Heck no. When I hear the word "butch" right away I tend to think female but labels mean limitations and I don't believe there are limitations when it comes to gender and personal identity. I'm sure there are dudes out there that identify more as butch than a flat-out guy.
- It can apply to anyone. A man can be butchier than another man.
-I believe applies to everyone, regardless of gender.
- To me it would mostly apply to any part of the female-leaning part of the spectrum.
3. Is butch more in the attitude of a person or in their attire?
-Honestly it's both. It's a mindset that someone puts themselves in and feels happy with it. The outside appearance is merely an expression of how that person thinks or feels they should look like.
-I think of butch mostly in terms of attire.
-I think that depends on the individual. Some people express it more through their actions and others more so through their physical appearance. "Butch" is a confidence but also a
style.
-It's both. You can dress butch and act butch. They kind of go together, too.
-It can be either your attitude or your attire, or both
- A combination- I always think of a more aggressive (not mean, just assertive maybe??) person when I hear the term.
4. How would you respond to the statement, "Oh, you aren't gay. You really just want to be a man."? [Note: This is something people have said to me, and I’m sure it’s been said to others as well. I’m curious to see reactions—whether folks agree/disagree, etc.]
-I think I should have been a man. From when I could remember I always thought like a guy, acted like a guy, and dressed like a guy. MY mannerisms, my attitude, my clothes, and everything about me has always been more on a manly side. I believe it's different for every person. But, I AM a girl. I was born a girl and I accept that, be it I'm uncomfortable with it, I'm happy with how I am. I AM gay, I like females. weather I act and portray myself as a woman or a man, I am a woman. And I like women. That in turn, makes me gay. It sort of frustrates me when people say that with a harsh undertone or as a snide comment. If someone says it in jest, I explain what I said earlier to them.
-I would respond that that person is a fucking idiot. Less aggressively, I might say that a person’s preferred gender id has absolutely nothing to do with sexual preference, and acting or dressing in a way that is masculine does not necessarily point to a sexual orientation or gender. People often know whether or not they feel male, female, etc. despite the way they are perceived. And ONLY that person can decide whether or not they "really want to be a man". It pisses me off when people try to define someone in such a personal way simply by their own stupid perceptions of that person. It's how you feel inside. Nothing else really, to me.
-I'd have to laugh because really? If everything was that black and white we'd all be living in a Charlie Chaplin film.
-Accusing someone in a same sex relationship of wanting to assume one of the roles in an opposite sex relationship betrays the narrow thinking of the heteronormative paradigm. You can't shoehorn heterosexual roles into a gay relationship.
-I would look at them; laugh while shaking my head and walk away. Don't see a need to raise my blood pressure over someone stupid. I know who I am.
- Hahaha what??? If this was applicable to me (I dunno, someone calling me a heavily denying lesbian??) I don't... that is rather rude and a ridiculous assumption.
5A. Is butch a label limited to the queer community?
5B. Can an individual who identifies as "straight" be considered butch?
--A. I don't believe it should be, though it seems it normally is.
B. I have met plenty of girls who like guys that are very butch themselves. Tomboys are a prime example of this. They see themselves as females and dress up every now and then, but they feel comfortable being butch most of the time. I see no problem with it, however a person decides to live their life, weather it be the lifestyle i live, or something close to mine. It actually makes me proud to see a butch girl with a guy. Not only for the girl, but for the guy seeing the beauty in the girl.
-a. Butch is a label I don't totally understand within the queer community, so I really don't know. I think it used to be used differently in the past.
b. Again, not sure about it's use within the queer community, but if you're going by common perception ( and the general population's insensitivity) then I think it probably happens often that straight people are labeled by others as "butch". I don't know otherwise.
-(a) I don't think so, no. Things aren't as simple as pink and blue and yellow. There's so much in the way of gender that I can't even wrap my head around telling someone "You can't be butch because you're not gay". It doesn't work like that. (b) Most definitely! For a lot of people the way you present yourself has very little to do with sexual orientation. It's just how you are and who you love is often irrelevant to the way you carry yourself or what shirt you put on in the morning.
-It's not limited to queers. Straight people can be butch. Remember Betty DeVille from the Rugrats?
-No, the label is not limited to the queer community. Anyone can be considered butch, such as a straight female dressing more like a guy, or having a harder, more manly attitude.
-No/Yes
6. Lastly, just for fun: When you hear the word butch, who is the first celebrity who pops into your head?
-MICHELLE Rodriguez by far. From Fast and Furious, S.W.A.T., Resident Evil, yeah... I love her.
- I've never considered a particular. Celebrity to be "butch". ( sorry to spoil the fun). I don't really ever think of anyone as "butch" and I don't know whether I should be trying to integrate it into my vocabulary more, as it seems like it could easily be pejorative
- Does Buttercup from The Powerpuff Girls count?
-Aside from Betty DeVille, I'd probably think of Rosie O’Donnell.
- Rosie O’Donnell
- Before he fully realized who he was and came to terms with it, I would think Chaz Bono presented himself as butch.
-Kai
21 February 2012
Partner Circle: Coming Out, Part I
We all have things going into new relationships we might consider ‘deal breakers’, something about a person that might make us shy away. Maybe you do not date smokers; maybe kids are a no-no in your book. Whatever it may be, we all know we have them. What happens when these things come into play a little (or even a lot) further into a relationship, when there are already some feelings developed or threatening to develop – when there is much more on the line. What if one day this person you love comes to you with the realization that they may have been born into the wrong body, assigned the wrong gender at birth? What if, suddenly, life throws a new ‘deal breaker’ your way, one you never thought you would ever have to consider. Even worse…what if you realize it might actually be a deal breaker for you?
The topic of coming out while in the confines of a relationship (whether that be romantic or otherwise) is a huge one, far too big for me to attempt to tackle in just one blog. So let us consider this part one of part who-knows-how-many-entries-I-will-write. Coming out, in and of itself, is a terrifying experience for some, and we all come to the realization of who we are at our own pace. Some of us have to wait until our twenties before we are ready to have the conversation with ourselves while some wake up before our tenth birthdays out and proud. There is nothing wrong with either of these situations, which is why if your partner does come out to you, I am begging you – on my knees, pleading, the whole deal – to please, please be patient with them. Most of us are ‘fortunate’ enough to only have to come out once in our lives, those struggling with gender identity might need to come out (to themselves, at least) more than that. If you have ever come out to anyone, be it a parent or a friend, then you know what they are going through. You know that if your partner is coming out to you, they trust you enough to listen to them, be open with them, and support them. Cherish this fact for the gift that it is; that your partner trusts you deeply enough to put themselves out there and risk the consequences.
An automatic reaction some of us may initially want to jump to is to feel betrayed. Someone you thought you knew every little thing about is revealing something new to you. Please, try to focus on how your partner is feeling first before you lash out at them or feel as if they kept something from you. More likely than not, their reluctance to come out was based on fear – of how you would react, if you would look at them differently, if you would still want to be with them. The same fears apply to those of you who have friends coming out to your about their transition, and the same plea applies to you. Unfortunately, the trans* community faces discrimination within the LGTQ community itself, so their fear is not unfounded. Simple things, things you might not think about as significant, such as speaking out against transphobic comments will mean a world of difference to your friend or your partner in showing them how supportive you are of them.
As I said, we are going to approach this topic step by step, but for now, my biggest advice to you if your partner is questioning (or even fully coming out) their gender identity is this: you have to be patient, you have to be open, and you have to hold onto the love you have for this person. Nothing inside them has changed, except now they can finally be their entire selves with you. They are still the loving, caring partner they always were; the only things that needs to be adjusted are the pronouns.
Xx Emily
The topic of coming out while in the confines of a relationship (whether that be romantic or otherwise) is a huge one, far too big for me to attempt to tackle in just one blog. So let us consider this part one of part who-knows-how-many-entries-I-will-write. Coming out, in and of itself, is a terrifying experience for some, and we all come to the realization of who we are at our own pace. Some of us have to wait until our twenties before we are ready to have the conversation with ourselves while some wake up before our tenth birthdays out and proud. There is nothing wrong with either of these situations, which is why if your partner does come out to you, I am begging you – on my knees, pleading, the whole deal – to please, please be patient with them. Most of us are ‘fortunate’ enough to only have to come out once in our lives, those struggling with gender identity might need to come out (to themselves, at least) more than that. If you have ever come out to anyone, be it a parent or a friend, then you know what they are going through. You know that if your partner is coming out to you, they trust you enough to listen to them, be open with them, and support them. Cherish this fact for the gift that it is; that your partner trusts you deeply enough to put themselves out there and risk the consequences.
An automatic reaction some of us may initially want to jump to is to feel betrayed. Someone you thought you knew every little thing about is revealing something new to you. Please, try to focus on how your partner is feeling first before you lash out at them or feel as if they kept something from you. More likely than not, their reluctance to come out was based on fear – of how you would react, if you would look at them differently, if you would still want to be with them. The same fears apply to those of you who have friends coming out to your about their transition, and the same plea applies to you. Unfortunately, the trans* community faces discrimination within the LGTQ community itself, so their fear is not unfounded. Simple things, things you might not think about as significant, such as speaking out against transphobic comments will mean a world of difference to your friend or your partner in showing them how supportive you are of them.
As I said, we are going to approach this topic step by step, but for now, my biggest advice to you if your partner is questioning (or even fully coming out) their gender identity is this: you have to be patient, you have to be open, and you have to hold onto the love you have for this person. Nothing inside them has changed, except now they can finally be their entire selves with you. They are still the loving, caring partner they always were; the only things that needs to be adjusted are the pronouns.
Xx Emily
19 February 2012
FTM Chronicles: Paps and Mammos
Alright boiz, this article is a little on the serious side. Yes, we are guys, dudes, bros, men. But we have something most guys do not, vaginas. Now, you can call it whichever you would like, ie: little dick, tranny dick, front hole, mini penis, etc. That does not change that you need to get your little guy a check-up. Especially if you are sexually active. It is okay to be filled with discontentment when visiting a gyno or "downstairs doctor." There are some trans* friendly doctors and clinics out there though. For example, in my area (Philadelphia, Pa), the best place I can recommend is the Mazzoni Center in Olde City Philly. They are a LGBT clinic and a lot of guys go there, including for their HRT. And starting HRT does not mean you just stop getting down there checked. Being safe is the best policy. I, for one, hate going to any doctor. If you feel really uncomfortable and/or still have not gotten a name change, then try bringing a female friend along with you. Those in the waiting room will assume it is a visit for her and you are just being the supportive boyfriend. Once you are safely behind the doors, you can talk to your doctor freely. Usually clinics have more then one doctor, so if the one you are given (if you had not chosen yourself) gives you the wiggins, then just ask politely to switch. It doesn't hurt the doctor's feelings. They just want you to feel as comfortable as you can be so they can help you. Below I will try and post Buck's PSA on "downstairs" check-ups. If it goes through, awesome. If not, then I will just post the link for ya'll. Looks like it will not post, so here is the link, .
Now here is another touchy topic. Whether you have had top or not, you need to check yourself. You can either give yourself a mammo (mammogram), you can have your partner do it for you, or your "downstairs doctor" can also check for you. This needs to be done. Cis-males get breast cancer too. It is not as common, but it does happen. Do not think just because you are a guy or have had top already excludes you from this very real possibility. Here is a link on how to do a self mammo, . If you doubt that men get breast cancer, here is some hard evidence for you, . When you look at that last link, it will tell you that in 2012, it is estimated that 2,190 new cases in men will be found and 410 will result in death. Do not be ashamed to get checked. Also, here is a link to some transgender breast cancer information, . There is not enough information to say that transgender people can or will be at risk to breast cancer. At least on the sites I have found. But as I stated about, better to play it safe.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
Now here is another touchy topic. Whether you have had top or not, you need to check yourself. You can either give yourself a mammo (mammogram), you can have your partner do it for you, or your "downstairs doctor" can also check for you. This needs to be done. Cis-males get breast cancer too. It is not as common, but it does happen. Do not think just because you are a guy or have had top already excludes you from this very real possibility. Here is a link on how to do a self mammo, . If you doubt that men get breast cancer, here is some hard evidence for you, . When you look at that last link, it will tell you that in 2012, it is estimated that 2,190 new cases in men will be found and 410 will result in death. Do not be ashamed to get checked. Also, here is a link to some transgender breast cancer information, . There is not enough information to say that transgender people can or will be at risk to breast cancer. At least on the sites I have found. But as I stated about, better to play it safe.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
17 February 2012
How Can I Help You? Myth Busters Edition
These myths did not come from actual submissions, but rather things that we at GFB have heard floating around and wanted to address.
Myth: It is impossible for people in the LGBTQ community to be monogamous.
Bust: Somewhere along the line, the world got this crazy notion that any one who is not strictly straight is incapable of a committed relationship. Unfortunately, those inside our community believe this myth as well, whether it is cis-men that will not date bisexual women or gay men that avoid relationships because they worry their partner will cheat. I know this is an issue for many couples, and I encourage you to talk to your partner if you worry about this, especially if you both identify as different parts of the alphabet (L and B, G and T, what have you) as you will come to the table with different perspectives. Just know this – cheating is not a ‘gay’ thing, kids…it is an asshole thing. If you cannot stay faithful to your partner, do not blame your sexual orientation. Instead, take a long look in the mirror and try to figure out what inside you is causing this behavior, and nine times out of ten, I can tell you the answer is going to be insecurity. Trust your partner, trust yourself, and I promise, monogamy within the community is more than possible.
Myth: Relationships are supposed to be easy – if they are not, you are not meant to be together.
Bust: As someone who has had this gem of wisdom used on them, I am going to emphatically call bullshit. The fact of the matter is, relationships are work. You are going to fight, you are going to have problems, no matter how long you have been together. The only difference between relationships that last and those that do not are that those that last fight for it. Both partners must be ready to fight for your relationship equally, passionately, and openly. Do not let things fester. Do not keep anything inside; do not let your resentment grow on itself. Talk to your partner. If you two really care about each other, you will find a way to work things out, no matter how bad it may seem.
Myth: I will never be able to compare to their ex, so I should not even try.
Bust: You are right, you are not their ex-partner, and thank goddess for that fact. There is a reason it did not work out with them. The past is the past, and unless it somehow finds a way to creep itself into your present, it should have no affect on your current relationship. If your partner volunteers information about their ex, take it as it is offered, and try not to make the same faux pas that they made with your current partner. The best way to avoid letting the past interfere with your relationship is to just talk about it. If you are worried about one of their exes, ask them if you have anything to worry about – if they care about you like you care about them, they will tell you straight up. If they are with you now, it is because they want to be. Do not destroy your current relationship by harping on your partners past ones.
- Sage Veritas
Myth: It is impossible for people in the LGBTQ community to be monogamous.
Bust: Somewhere along the line, the world got this crazy notion that any one who is not strictly straight is incapable of a committed relationship. Unfortunately, those inside our community believe this myth as well, whether it is cis-men that will not date bisexual women or gay men that avoid relationships because they worry their partner will cheat. I know this is an issue for many couples, and I encourage you to talk to your partner if you worry about this, especially if you both identify as different parts of the alphabet (L and B, G and T, what have you) as you will come to the table with different perspectives. Just know this – cheating is not a ‘gay’ thing, kids…it is an asshole thing. If you cannot stay faithful to your partner, do not blame your sexual orientation. Instead, take a long look in the mirror and try to figure out what inside you is causing this behavior, and nine times out of ten, I can tell you the answer is going to be insecurity. Trust your partner, trust yourself, and I promise, monogamy within the community is more than possible.
Myth: Relationships are supposed to be easy – if they are not, you are not meant to be together.
Bust: As someone who has had this gem of wisdom used on them, I am going to emphatically call bullshit. The fact of the matter is, relationships are work. You are going to fight, you are going to have problems, no matter how long you have been together. The only difference between relationships that last and those that do not are that those that last fight for it. Both partners must be ready to fight for your relationship equally, passionately, and openly. Do not let things fester. Do not keep anything inside; do not let your resentment grow on itself. Talk to your partner. If you two really care about each other, you will find a way to work things out, no matter how bad it may seem.
Myth: I will never be able to compare to their ex, so I should not even try.
Bust: You are right, you are not their ex-partner, and thank goddess for that fact. There is a reason it did not work out with them. The past is the past, and unless it somehow finds a way to creep itself into your present, it should have no affect on your current relationship. If your partner volunteers information about their ex, take it as it is offered, and try not to make the same faux pas that they made with your current partner. The best way to avoid letting the past interfere with your relationship is to just talk about it. If you are worried about one of their exes, ask them if you have anything to worry about – if they care about you like you care about them, they will tell you straight up. If they are with you now, it is because they want to be. Do not destroy your current relationship by harping on your partners past ones.
- Sage Veritas
16 February 2012
It's A Butch World Out There: Myths Busted!
BUSTED!
Going along with the Myth busters theme, I have a few myths of my own to bust about butches and lesbians in general. Most of my busts are from a first person point of view. However, what better way to bust on butch fallacy than by explaining personal experience? Enjoy!
MYTH #1: All lesbians are either butch or femme; there is no in between.
Bust: While there are some of us who fall into either of these categories, there are many lady lovin’ ladies who can identify differently. For example, an old college buddy of mine referred to herself as “futch” or a femme-butch. This is just one example of many. Life is not all drawn out in black and white. Why should one assume that self expression, gender identity, or sexuality should be?
Myth #2: There is only one type of butch: the tough, hard-nosed, masculine cis-gendered woman with short hair.
Bust: True, there are some that fit into the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian. There are others though who identify as “futch” (see Bust 1), soft butches, stone cold butches, et cetera and so on. Everyone has moments when they’re tough. Everyone also has moments of softness and sensitivity. It just seems silly to assume that a butch individual is consistently a hard bitch. Also, you do not need to have short hair to be butch. I had had long hair for my entire adult life up until December. I would still have been considered myself butch, even with luscious locks.
Myth #3: Being butch means that you cannot have any interests that are feminine.
Bust: This kind of goes along with the first bust. Being “butch” does not exclude activities and behaviors typically deemed feminine. As I’ve stated before, I will be the first to raise my hand if the question of a day at the spa comes up.
Myth #4: You’re not butch. You’re really FTM.
Bust: Pardon my saying this, but who are you to tell me who I am and who I am not? Gender identity and sexual orientation are different things entirely. I happen to be a cis-gendered lady lovin’ lady who butches it up. I know I’m not the only one either.
Myth #5: Being butch automatically means you’re dominant.
Bust: Now. I will not delve too much into my personal life. I will say, however, that I know many individuals who this does not apply to—myself included. Butch, femme, in the middle, on a whole different spectrum…however you choose to label yourself—it has absolutely NOTHING to do with what goes on behind closed doors, (or under sheets of Egyptian cotton).
Myth #6: All lesbians are man-haters.
Bust: Now this is a general myth people have about lesbians. A complete fallacy and I can only assume the myth was perpetuated because cis-gendered straight men would perceive us not wanting to sleep with them as us hating them. I have many male friends. Most of my friends who are queer also have male friends. Some consider themselves straight and some consider themselves gay, but none of them would consider themselves hated.
Myth #7a: You’re a lesbian? Oh, you just haven’t found the right man yet.
MYTH #7b: Lesbians who date butch women REALLY just want a man.
Bust: I’m gonna tackle both of these myths in one bust. The phrase “you don’t know you like it until you try it!” is meant for things like: test driving a new car, or perhaps trying that new dish at the restaurant around the corner that everyone is RAVING about. It does not mean that I would like to try some of your delicious sausage bro. If you are a lesbian dating a butch woman, don’t let anyone tell you that you really want a man; it’s total hogwash. You love who you love, you’re attracted to who you’re attracted to. Just because butches are masculine, does not mean they want to be men; just because lesbians love butch women, does not mean they want a man.
Myth #8: All lesbians have a dark, sexual trauma in their past. That’s why they do not like men.
Bust: First and foremost: No one and I mean NO ONE has the right to do anything to do you without your full consent. No means no—END. OF. STORY. If you have ever been a victim of any sexual crimes, there are places and people you can turn to for help. You are not alone.
And to bust the myth, there is no scientific link between rape and attraction. Being raped does not determine who your heart will one day fall in love with.
Myth #9: Lesbians (and other members of the LGBTQ community) are evil and just want to sexually assault your children.
Bust: Check the facts online. More often than not, sex crimes are committed by heterosexual cis-gendered men.
Myth #10: All lesbians are drag kings.
Bust: From my understanding of drag, I have noticed that drag is not an art limited by gender identity or sexual orientation. Cis-gendered, Trans*gendered, heterosexual, queer, gay, lesbian, bisexual—it does not matter nearly as much as stage presence and one’s ability to perform. So while some lesbians may perform drag, not all do.
Myth #11: All lesbians sport massive amounts of body hair.
Bust: Shaving is all up to personal preference. Some people like to shave their arms, pits, what-have-yous, and some do not. It has nothing to do with who you are into. Some individuals shave for purely practical reasons, like swimmers who want to shave that extra hundredth of a second of their times. Some choose not to for personal reasons. But the bottom line is butches and lesbians in general are not all yetis. Hell, I’ll lift my pant leg up for you any time and you can check—smooth as a baby’s ass.
And finally, probably the silliest of all myths:
Myth #12: All lesbians are ugly.
Bust: I have no clue what started this. First off, beauty is on the inside as well as the outside. So maybe that orange skinned, bottle blonde who society drools over is nice to look at, but she could be a rotten person on the inside. Ugly is an ugly word aimed at people to try and make them feel less than. Everyone has beauty to them if you just stop to notice it.
However, from a purely physical note I will say that Philadelphia has many gorgeous lesbians out there! And for some famous faces to bust the myths? Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi. k. d. Lang. Leisha Hailey. And Eliza Dushku…(if only in my dreams!)
-Kai
Going along with the Myth busters theme, I have a few myths of my own to bust about butches and lesbians in general. Most of my busts are from a first person point of view. However, what better way to bust on butch fallacy than by explaining personal experience? Enjoy!
MYTH #1: All lesbians are either butch or femme; there is no in between.
Bust: While there are some of us who fall into either of these categories, there are many lady lovin’ ladies who can identify differently. For example, an old college buddy of mine referred to herself as “futch” or a femme-butch. This is just one example of many. Life is not all drawn out in black and white. Why should one assume that self expression, gender identity, or sexuality should be?
Myth #2: There is only one type of butch: the tough, hard-nosed, masculine cis-gendered woman with short hair.
Bust: True, there are some that fit into the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian. There are others though who identify as “futch” (see Bust 1), soft butches, stone cold butches, et cetera and so on. Everyone has moments when they’re tough. Everyone also has moments of softness and sensitivity. It just seems silly to assume that a butch individual is consistently a hard bitch. Also, you do not need to have short hair to be butch. I had had long hair for my entire adult life up until December. I would still have been considered myself butch, even with luscious locks.
Myth #3: Being butch means that you cannot have any interests that are feminine.
Bust: This kind of goes along with the first bust. Being “butch” does not exclude activities and behaviors typically deemed feminine. As I’ve stated before, I will be the first to raise my hand if the question of a day at the spa comes up.
Myth #4: You’re not butch. You’re really FTM.
Bust: Pardon my saying this, but who are you to tell me who I am and who I am not? Gender identity and sexual orientation are different things entirely. I happen to be a cis-gendered lady lovin’ lady who butches it up. I know I’m not the only one either.
Myth #5: Being butch automatically means you’re dominant.
Bust: Now. I will not delve too much into my personal life. I will say, however, that I know many individuals who this does not apply to—myself included. Butch, femme, in the middle, on a whole different spectrum…however you choose to label yourself—it has absolutely NOTHING to do with what goes on behind closed doors, (or under sheets of Egyptian cotton).
Myth #6: All lesbians are man-haters.
Bust: Now this is a general myth people have about lesbians. A complete fallacy and I can only assume the myth was perpetuated because cis-gendered straight men would perceive us not wanting to sleep with them as us hating them. I have many male friends. Most of my friends who are queer also have male friends. Some consider themselves straight and some consider themselves gay, but none of them would consider themselves hated.
Myth #7a: You’re a lesbian? Oh, you just haven’t found the right man yet.
MYTH #7b: Lesbians who date butch women REALLY just want a man.
Bust: I’m gonna tackle both of these myths in one bust. The phrase “you don’t know you like it until you try it!” is meant for things like: test driving a new car, or perhaps trying that new dish at the restaurant around the corner that everyone is RAVING about. It does not mean that I would like to try some of your delicious sausage bro. If you are a lesbian dating a butch woman, don’t let anyone tell you that you really want a man; it’s total hogwash. You love who you love, you’re attracted to who you’re attracted to. Just because butches are masculine, does not mean they want to be men; just because lesbians love butch women, does not mean they want a man.
Myth #8: All lesbians have a dark, sexual trauma in their past. That’s why they do not like men.
Bust: First and foremost: No one and I mean NO ONE has the right to do anything to do you without your full consent. No means no—END. OF. STORY. If you have ever been a victim of any sexual crimes, there are places and people you can turn to for help. You are not alone.
And to bust the myth, there is no scientific link between rape and attraction. Being raped does not determine who your heart will one day fall in love with.
Myth #9: Lesbians (and other members of the LGBTQ community) are evil and just want to sexually assault your children.
Bust: Check the facts online. More often than not, sex crimes are committed by heterosexual cis-gendered men.
Myth #10: All lesbians are drag kings.
Bust: From my understanding of drag, I have noticed that drag is not an art limited by gender identity or sexual orientation. Cis-gendered, Trans*gendered, heterosexual, queer, gay, lesbian, bisexual—it does not matter nearly as much as stage presence and one’s ability to perform. So while some lesbians may perform drag, not all do.
Myth #11: All lesbians sport massive amounts of body hair.
Bust: Shaving is all up to personal preference. Some people like to shave their arms, pits, what-have-yous, and some do not. It has nothing to do with who you are into. Some individuals shave for purely practical reasons, like swimmers who want to shave that extra hundredth of a second of their times. Some choose not to for personal reasons. But the bottom line is butches and lesbians in general are not all yetis. Hell, I’ll lift my pant leg up for you any time and you can check—smooth as a baby’s ass.
And finally, probably the silliest of all myths:
Myth #12: All lesbians are ugly.
Bust: I have no clue what started this. First off, beauty is on the inside as well as the outside. So maybe that orange skinned, bottle blonde who society drools over is nice to look at, but she could be a rotten person on the inside. Ugly is an ugly word aimed at people to try and make them feel less than. Everyone has beauty to them if you just stop to notice it.
However, from a purely physical note I will say that Philadelphia has many gorgeous lesbians out there! And for some famous faces to bust the myths? Ellen DeGeneres and Portia DeRossi. k. d. Lang. Leisha Hailey. And Eliza Dushku…(if only in my dreams!)
-Kai
15 February 2012
Kings united: Myths Busted!
MYTH #1: All Drag Kings have sexual names.
BUST: A lot of kings have sexual names, but there are more and more coming out without. An example would be “Apollo,” “Teddy Bare/Bear,” or “Chase DeNight.”
MYTH #2: All Drag Kings use fake facial hair.
BUST: False. I do not always use it. Most of the time I do not actually. I also know some others that do not.
MYTH #3: All Drag Kings are all cis-gender women.
BUST: Wrong. I am a king and I am trans*. Trans* guys do perform as kings. Some just see it as performing instead of as “drag,” but others do not.
MYTH #4: All Drag Kings are transgender in denial.
BUST: Nope. I know plenty of cis-gender kings and are happy to just be a king.
MYTH #5: All Drags Kings are gay.
BUST: Most would assume this I am guessing. But I actually know heterosexual cis-gender women who perform as Drag Kings. Drag Kings are a big spectrum. And no one is going to tell you that you cannot be a king because you do not “fit” in some mold. If they do, then find a better troupe.
Chance Encounters
Drag King
BUST: A lot of kings have sexual names, but there are more and more coming out without. An example would be “Apollo,” “Teddy Bare/Bear,” or “Chase DeNight.”
MYTH #2: All Drag Kings use fake facial hair.
BUST: False. I do not always use it. Most of the time I do not actually. I also know some others that do not.
MYTH #3: All Drag Kings are all cis-gender women.
BUST: Wrong. I am a king and I am trans*. Trans* guys do perform as kings. Some just see it as performing instead of as “drag,” but others do not.
MYTH #4: All Drag Kings are transgender in denial.
BUST: Nope. I know plenty of cis-gender kings and are happy to just be a king.
MYTH #5: All Drags Kings are gay.
BUST: Most would assume this I am guessing. But I actually know heterosexual cis-gender women who perform as Drag Kings. Drag Kings are a big spectrum. And no one is going to tell you that you cannot be a king because you do not “fit” in some mold. If they do, then find a better troupe.
Chance Encounters
Drag King
14 February 2012
Partner Circle: Myths Busted!
Myth: Only straight, cis-gendered women date trans*men.
Bust: I am dating a trans*man and am proud to say that I am not a straight woman. I am queer as well as cis-gendered. My partner has dated gay and bisexual women, as well as other trans*men. This myth literally could not be farther from the truth.
Myth: If you are a cis-woman and you marry a trans*man, it should be considered gay or same-sex marriage.
Bust: Let us look at the facts here…a woman marries a man. In what realm of reality is this gay/same-sex marriage? First off, there is a reason the preferred nomenclature is trans*gendered and not transsexual – the issue in question is not sex, it is gender. Even though one of the parties in the pairing may happen to have a vagina (their physical sex) it does not mean their gender identity has to match. A cis-woman can marry a trans*man and, assuming his gender markers have been adjusted, it would be considered a heterosexual marriage under the confines of the state.
Myth: Anyone who dates or is friends with someone who is trans* is going to slip up on pronouns or call the person by their assigned name.
Bust: I have many cis-gendered (and some even *gasp* straight) friends that have met my partner and have not once slipped on a pronoun. None of them know his old name, so that is not even an issue. I do, and I have never even said it out loud because I know how uncomfortable it would make him to hear. Do not assume that just because someone is outside the ‘community’, they will not be open and accepting of you or your partner's gender identity.
Myth: Everyone who dates a trans*guy is submissive in bed, or a ‘bottom’.
Bust: There seems to be a rumor going around that trans*men are overly macho, thus making them aggressive and in turn, ‘tops’ in bed. While this may be true for some guys, this is not a trans* issue – being overly macho is an issue of that person being a tool, regardless of their gender identity. Being trans* does not make a man more machismo, nor does being on testosterone. Not to over share, but I am certainly not always a bottom and my boi is certainly not always a top. Who you are in bed is almost never a reflection of who you are in the outside world – remember, sometimes the freakiest partners are the ones you least suspect are going to be.
Myth: Only people already in the LGBTQQIAA community will date trans*men.
Bust: One does not have to be ‘involved’ or a ‘part of’ the community to be a supporter (hence one of the a’s for ‘ally’) and the same goes for those who choose to date trans*people. A cis-man can date a trans*man so long as there is love, respect, and communication involved – the same going for any pairing. People do not have to be a part of the same community to be together, just as they do not have to have the same religious affiliation.
Myth: The only reason a cis-woman would date a trans*man is so she can date a man without having to worry about getting pregnant – she is just using it as birth control.
Bust: Responsible, safe sex should be the norm for any relationship, regardless of gender identity or sexuality. Gay, cis-gendered men who have sex should always use a condom, provided it is outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, and the same goes for everyone. Once both partners are comfortable with the relationship, everyone is tested and clean, and there is a trust established, I do not see anything wrong with ditching the condoms and using alternate forms of birth control. As a cis-woman, dating trans*men has never been a fallback birth control method, and anyone who uses it as such has a pretty deplorable outlook on sex.
Myth: You just cannot get a date with a ‘real’ man.
Bust: Where did this concept of a ‘real man’ come from? What archaic rock did we crawl out under from and decide that some men are more ‘man’ than others? If all that makes a man is a flesh-dick, then you have a poor understanding of what it means to be a man. A real man, to me, is kind, loving, caring, compassionate, humble, sincere, and loyal – as a friend, lover, partner, what have you. A person that happens to have a penis and yet has none of these qualities, a person who uses other people for their own personal gain, a person who hits, abuses, assaults, uses women is not a man, and does not deserve to be labeled as such.
So…go ahead and try to tell me what a ‘real’ man is again, but this time, take a closer look at your definition. I can promise you, it will have changed.
Myth: The only reason you would want to be with a trans*man is as part of a fetish, or to fulfill some sexual fantasy.
Bust: Unfortunately, there are some people out there who are fetishists, and I know this is a very real fear that some trans*dudes have. If you are getting into a new relationship, and you fear this is the case with your newfound partner, please talk to them about it. You are a person, not the group you identify with. You are more than your sexuality or your gender identity, and anyone that uses you specifically for that reason and not because they truly care about you does not deserve to be with you.
Myth: If you are a cis-woman, and your partner transitions, you are automatically a straight couple.
Bust: I wish labels were as easy as people try to make them out to be, I really do. However, they are not. Even if I was with a cis-gendered male who identified as straight, I would still not say “Yeah, this is my heterosexual partner.” Chances are, if you are reading this you identify somewhere in the alphabet soup that defines our community. My partner is a trans*man, I am a queer woman, and we are in a relationship. That is all I need to know, that is all I care about. If someone looks at us an automatically assumes we are a straight couple, it would not bother me, nor would it bother me if they thought we were a lesbian couple. People are going to assume what they are going to assume. Let them. What they think does not define who you are, only you have that power.
I wish every single statement here had a cut and dry answer, but they just do not. Every myth comes from somewhere, and I am sure that those in the GFB community have been faced with issues such as these, especially if their partner is gender-nonconforming, trans*, or just butch. My only advice to get around this is simple: be you. Define yourself and your relationship as you see fit, and fuck what anyone else thinks.
Xx Emily
Bust: I am dating a trans*man and am proud to say that I am not a straight woman. I am queer as well as cis-gendered. My partner has dated gay and bisexual women, as well as other trans*men. This myth literally could not be farther from the truth.
Myth: If you are a cis-woman and you marry a trans*man, it should be considered gay or same-sex marriage.
Bust: Let us look at the facts here…a woman marries a man. In what realm of reality is this gay/same-sex marriage? First off, there is a reason the preferred nomenclature is trans*gendered and not transsexual – the issue in question is not sex, it is gender. Even though one of the parties in the pairing may happen to have a vagina (their physical sex) it does not mean their gender identity has to match. A cis-woman can marry a trans*man and, assuming his gender markers have been adjusted, it would be considered a heterosexual marriage under the confines of the state.
Myth: Anyone who dates or is friends with someone who is trans* is going to slip up on pronouns or call the person by their assigned name.
Bust: I have many cis-gendered (and some even *gasp* straight) friends that have met my partner and have not once slipped on a pronoun. None of them know his old name, so that is not even an issue. I do, and I have never even said it out loud because I know how uncomfortable it would make him to hear. Do not assume that just because someone is outside the ‘community’, they will not be open and accepting of you or your partner's gender identity.
Myth: Everyone who dates a trans*guy is submissive in bed, or a ‘bottom’.
Bust: There seems to be a rumor going around that trans*men are overly macho, thus making them aggressive and in turn, ‘tops’ in bed. While this may be true for some guys, this is not a trans* issue – being overly macho is an issue of that person being a tool, regardless of their gender identity. Being trans* does not make a man more machismo, nor does being on testosterone. Not to over share, but I am certainly not always a bottom and my boi is certainly not always a top. Who you are in bed is almost never a reflection of who you are in the outside world – remember, sometimes the freakiest partners are the ones you least suspect are going to be.
Myth: Only people already in the LGBTQQIAA community will date trans*men.
Bust: One does not have to be ‘involved’ or a ‘part of’ the community to be a supporter (hence one of the a’s for ‘ally’) and the same goes for those who choose to date trans*people. A cis-man can date a trans*man so long as there is love, respect, and communication involved – the same going for any pairing. People do not have to be a part of the same community to be together, just as they do not have to have the same religious affiliation.
Myth: The only reason a cis-woman would date a trans*man is so she can date a man without having to worry about getting pregnant – she is just using it as birth control.
Bust: Responsible, safe sex should be the norm for any relationship, regardless of gender identity or sexuality. Gay, cis-gendered men who have sex should always use a condom, provided it is outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, and the same goes for everyone. Once both partners are comfortable with the relationship, everyone is tested and clean, and there is a trust established, I do not see anything wrong with ditching the condoms and using alternate forms of birth control. As a cis-woman, dating trans*men has never been a fallback birth control method, and anyone who uses it as such has a pretty deplorable outlook on sex.
Myth: You just cannot get a date with a ‘real’ man.
Bust: Where did this concept of a ‘real man’ come from? What archaic rock did we crawl out under from and decide that some men are more ‘man’ than others? If all that makes a man is a flesh-dick, then you have a poor understanding of what it means to be a man. A real man, to me, is kind, loving, caring, compassionate, humble, sincere, and loyal – as a friend, lover, partner, what have you. A person that happens to have a penis and yet has none of these qualities, a person who uses other people for their own personal gain, a person who hits, abuses, assaults, uses women is not a man, and does not deserve to be labeled as such.
So…go ahead and try to tell me what a ‘real’ man is again, but this time, take a closer look at your definition. I can promise you, it will have changed.
Myth: The only reason you would want to be with a trans*man is as part of a fetish, or to fulfill some sexual fantasy.
Bust: Unfortunately, there are some people out there who are fetishists, and I know this is a very real fear that some trans*dudes have. If you are getting into a new relationship, and you fear this is the case with your newfound partner, please talk to them about it. You are a person, not the group you identify with. You are more than your sexuality or your gender identity, and anyone that uses you specifically for that reason and not because they truly care about you does not deserve to be with you.
Myth: If you are a cis-woman, and your partner transitions, you are automatically a straight couple.
Bust: I wish labels were as easy as people try to make them out to be, I really do. However, they are not. Even if I was with a cis-gendered male who identified as straight, I would still not say “Yeah, this is my heterosexual partner.” Chances are, if you are reading this you identify somewhere in the alphabet soup that defines our community. My partner is a trans*man, I am a queer woman, and we are in a relationship. That is all I need to know, that is all I care about. If someone looks at us an automatically assumes we are a straight couple, it would not bother me, nor would it bother me if they thought we were a lesbian couple. People are going to assume what they are going to assume. Let them. What they think does not define who you are, only you have that power.
I wish every single statement here had a cut and dry answer, but they just do not. Every myth comes from somewhere, and I am sure that those in the GFB community have been faced with issues such as these, especially if their partner is gender-nonconforming, trans*, or just butch. My only advice to get around this is simple: be you. Define yourself and your relationship as you see fit, and fuck what anyone else thinks.
Xx Emily
13 February 2012
No Boundaries: Myths Busted
Oh come on world, we're more educated than this right?!
MYTH #1: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people go by gender neutral pronouns.
BUST: Sorry but no, I personally will take either gender pronouns, and I have a lot of gender queer and non-conforming that don't pick either or neutral ones.
MYTH #2: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people are intersexed.
BUST: Last I checked I was born 100% that of a 'female' body. And my friend who is intersexed is male and only dates women.
MYTH #3: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people are transgender people denial.
BUST: I did think for a time that I might be transgender but then realized that I have no dysphoria, and am happy with who I am as Chelsea.
MYTH #4: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people hate transgender people.
BUST: haha sorry world, I would have to say I have more transgender friends than straight or LGBQ.
MYTH #5: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people are being difficult by not choosing which gender they are.
BUST: I tried the whole 'lipstick lesbian' thing, it wasn't for me. I love men's clothes and short hair. I've almost gotten beaten up for who I am, so obviously I wouldn't pick to be difficult and chooes to get teased and threatened.
~Chels
MYTH #1: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people go by gender neutral pronouns.
BUST: Sorry but no, I personally will take either gender pronouns, and I have a lot of gender queer and non-conforming that don't pick either or neutral ones.
MYTH #2: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people are intersexed.
BUST: Last I checked I was born 100% that of a 'female' body. And my friend who is intersexed is male and only dates women.
MYTH #3: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people are transgender people denial.
BUST: I did think for a time that I might be transgender but then realized that I have no dysphoria, and am happy with who I am as Chelsea.
MYTH #4: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people hate transgender people.
BUST: haha sorry world, I would have to say I have more transgender friends than straight or LGBQ.
MYTH #5: All gender queer and gender non-conforming people are being difficult by not choosing which gender they are.
BUST: I tried the whole 'lipstick lesbian' thing, it wasn't for me. I love men's clothes and short hair. I've almost gotten beaten up for who I am, so obviously I wouldn't pick to be difficult and chooes to get teased and threatened.
~Chels
FTM Chronicles: MYTH BUSTED!
Who ya gonna call?! MYTHBUSTERS!
Alright, ya’ll! It’s that time of week. A new FTM Chronicles! This week is Myth Buster week. Today I will bust a lot of FTM related myths. Are you ready?
MYTH #1: You can always tell who is Transgender just by looking at them and their appearance.
BUST: Not true. Just like any difference in a person (religion, sexual orientation, nationality, etc.), you cannot always tell “what” someone is.
MYTH #2: Being transgender is a choice.
BUST: Wrong again. Being transgender is no more of a choice than being Caucasian or African American, gay or straight, or having brown or green eyes. I highly doubt any transgender person up and decided, “ oh I want to feel uncomfortable in my body enough to live pay check to pay check just to afford HRT and/or GRS.”
MYTH #3a: Transgender guys are just ashamed to be a lesbian.
MYTH #3: Transgender guys are just butch lesbians.
BUST: Gender identity and sexual orientation are two entirely different aspects of a person. Therefore, a transgender guy cannot be a lesbian.
MYTH #4: Transgender guys are not ‘real’ men.
BUST: What exactly makes a man a ‘real’ man? It is not genitals or internal reproduction organs. Being born as male does not make one more of a man or a ‘real’ man compared to a trans-man. Cis men are men. Trans-men are men. End of story.
MYTH #5: There are more MTFs than FTMs.
BUST: Nope. Not true.
MYTH #6a: All trans-men bind.
MYTH #6b: All trans-men pack.
BUST: Not at all. There are more that bind pre-op than not. A lot of trans-men that do not pack either. It is all one’s personal preference.
MYTH #7a: You are only a trans-man if you are on HRT or have had GRS.
MYTH #7b: All trans-men have GRS.
MYTH #7c: All trans-men want ‘bottom’ surgery.
BUST: Not all transgender people can afford HRT and/or GRS. Some just do not want to take HRT at all (ex: Lucas Silveira). Some have medical reasons or job related reasons (ex: military) for not being able to take HRT or have GRS. Hormones nor surgery make the man a trans-man. A trans-man is a man either way.
MYTH #8: Trans-men transition for male privileges.
BUST: False. It actually makes things harder for some.
MYTH #9: FTMs did not exist prior to WWII.
BUST: Where did anyone ever read that? That’s like saying there weren’t any Jewish people prior to WWII.
MYTH #10: T will make you grow in height as well as make your hands grow.
BUST: Not entirely true or false. Some do grow slightly, if one’s family men have a later ‘second’ growth spurt prior to taking T, then you may grow slightly.
MYTH #11: If you take more T, then results will multiple and come faster.
BUST: Hell no. It is actually quite dangerous. Always go by what your doctor tells you to do. If you don’t know, then just ask him/her instead of assuming.
MYTH #12: T makes you gay.
BUST: Again, gender identity and sexual orientation are different. Taking HRT will not make you gay.
MYTH #13: T will make you have “tranny voice.”
BUST: No. I know plenty of trans-men that do not have “tranny voice.”
MYTH #14a: T will make you have roid rage.
MYTH #14b: HRT makes you emotionless.
MYTH #14c: HRT will make your personality change.
BUST: Nope. T will not make you have roid rage. If you all of a sudden feel angry all the time, then those feelings were there all along. Stop using HRT as an excuse to be a jerk. HRT should actually help you become more comfortable with your emotions, not make you emotionless.
MYTH #15: T makes you stupid.
BUST: WHAT???? That’s ridiculous and false.
MYTH #16: Male pattern baldness is not on my mother’s side of the family, so I won’t lose my hair.
BUST: False. Paternal sides do not differ. If it is on either side, then it can happen. Even if it isn’t on either, it is possible that it will happen. Everyone is different.
MYTH #17: I cannot get pregnant while on T.
BUST: Nope. You can actually. Too much T can actually cause you to produce more estrogen.
MYTH #18: If I stop T, the only change that is irreversible is my voice.
BUST: There won’t be much of a difference, but a change will happen.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
Alright, ya’ll! It’s that time of week. A new FTM Chronicles! This week is Myth Buster week. Today I will bust a lot of FTM related myths. Are you ready?
MYTH #1: You can always tell who is Transgender just by looking at them and their appearance.
BUST: Not true. Just like any difference in a person (religion, sexual orientation, nationality, etc.), you cannot always tell “what” someone is.
MYTH #2: Being transgender is a choice.
BUST: Wrong again. Being transgender is no more of a choice than being Caucasian or African American, gay or straight, or having brown or green eyes. I highly doubt any transgender person up and decided, “ oh I want to feel uncomfortable in my body enough to live pay check to pay check just to afford HRT and/or GRS.”
MYTH #3a: Transgender guys are just ashamed to be a lesbian.
MYTH #3: Transgender guys are just butch lesbians.
BUST: Gender identity and sexual orientation are two entirely different aspects of a person. Therefore, a transgender guy cannot be a lesbian.
MYTH #4: Transgender guys are not ‘real’ men.
BUST: What exactly makes a man a ‘real’ man? It is not genitals or internal reproduction organs. Being born as male does not make one more of a man or a ‘real’ man compared to a trans-man. Cis men are men. Trans-men are men. End of story.
MYTH #5: There are more MTFs than FTMs.
BUST: Nope. Not true.
MYTH #6a: All trans-men bind.
MYTH #6b: All trans-men pack.
BUST: Not at all. There are more that bind pre-op than not. A lot of trans-men that do not pack either. It is all one’s personal preference.
MYTH #7a: You are only a trans-man if you are on HRT or have had GRS.
MYTH #7b: All trans-men have GRS.
MYTH #7c: All trans-men want ‘bottom’ surgery.
BUST: Not all transgender people can afford HRT and/or GRS. Some just do not want to take HRT at all (ex: Lucas Silveira). Some have medical reasons or job related reasons (ex: military) for not being able to take HRT or have GRS. Hormones nor surgery make the man a trans-man. A trans-man is a man either way.
MYTH #8: Trans-men transition for male privileges.
BUST: False. It actually makes things harder for some.
MYTH #9: FTMs did not exist prior to WWII.
BUST: Where did anyone ever read that? That’s like saying there weren’t any Jewish people prior to WWII.
MYTH #10: T will make you grow in height as well as make your hands grow.
BUST: Not entirely true or false. Some do grow slightly, if one’s family men have a later ‘second’ growth spurt prior to taking T, then you may grow slightly.
MYTH #11: If you take more T, then results will multiple and come faster.
BUST: Hell no. It is actually quite dangerous. Always go by what your doctor tells you to do. If you don’t know, then just ask him/her instead of assuming.
MYTH #12: T makes you gay.
BUST: Again, gender identity and sexual orientation are different. Taking HRT will not make you gay.
MYTH #13: T will make you have “tranny voice.”
BUST: No. I know plenty of trans-men that do not have “tranny voice.”
MYTH #14a: T will make you have roid rage.
MYTH #14b: HRT makes you emotionless.
MYTH #14c: HRT will make your personality change.
BUST: Nope. T will not make you have roid rage. If you all of a sudden feel angry all the time, then those feelings were there all along. Stop using HRT as an excuse to be a jerk. HRT should actually help you become more comfortable with your emotions, not make you emotionless.
MYTH #15: T makes you stupid.
BUST: WHAT???? That’s ridiculous and false.
MYTH #16: Male pattern baldness is not on my mother’s side of the family, so I won’t lose my hair.
BUST: False. Paternal sides do not differ. If it is on either side, then it can happen. Even if it isn’t on either, it is possible that it will happen. Everyone is different.
MYTH #17: I cannot get pregnant while on T.
BUST: Nope. You can actually. Too much T can actually cause you to produce more estrogen.
MYTH #18: If I stop T, the only change that is irreversible is my voice.
BUST: There won’t be much of a difference, but a change will happen.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
11 February 2012
A Random Quirk: 2-11-12
We hope ya’ll have had a wonderful and eventful week, so we are here to wrap things up and to let you know what to keep an eye out for next!
This week’s blogs are going to all follow along a similar vein: Mythbusting! Whether you have got something itching to get off your chest, something you just need to vent about, or even a myth you are not quite sure is actually a myth, we can pretty much promise you we will cover it in our blogs this week. Have anything you are convinced we will not cover? Shoot us an email on the main GFB account or just post something on our wall, we will make sure at least one of our fabulous bloggers touches on the topics you want to see talked about.
We are still looking to have two people for each blog, and there are plenty of spots still open. Whether you are gender non conforming and you want to have your voice heard, you are the partner/ally/parent of someone who is trans*/gender non-conforming/what-have-you, or you are just an out and proud butch that is tired of being called a dude and wants their butchy voice heard, we want you!
As it stands currently on our columns:
Sundays is “FTM Chronicles” with WulfBoi
Mondays is “No Boundaries” with Chels
Tuesdays is “Partner Circle” with Emily
Wednesdays is “Kings United” with Chance Encounters
Thursdays is “It’s a Butch World Out There” with Kai
Fridays is “How Can I Help You?” with Sage Veritas
Saturdays is “A Random Quirk” with GFB Staff (for now!)
On that topic, keep on sending us your questions for our resident advice blogger Sage Veritas – we have to keep that boi busy! The advice email is Advice_GFB@yahoo.com, all submissions are anonymous and confidential. We are here to help in any way we possibly can.
We would like to add poetry and short stories to be posted on “A Random Quirk,” so if you would like to be a part of that then please utilize our Guest Submissions form and send it in to random.quirk_gfb@yahoo.com.
Until next time, stay happy, healthy, and genderfuk-y.
Xx Emily
This week’s blogs are going to all follow along a similar vein: Mythbusting! Whether you have got something itching to get off your chest, something you just need to vent about, or even a myth you are not quite sure is actually a myth, we can pretty much promise you we will cover it in our blogs this week. Have anything you are convinced we will not cover? Shoot us an email on the main GFB account or just post something on our wall, we will make sure at least one of our fabulous bloggers touches on the topics you want to see talked about.
We are still looking to have two people for each blog, and there are plenty of spots still open. Whether you are gender non conforming and you want to have your voice heard, you are the partner/ally/parent of someone who is trans*/gender non-conforming/what-have-you, or you are just an out and proud butch that is tired of being called a dude and wants their butchy voice heard, we want you!
As it stands currently on our columns:
Sundays is “FTM Chronicles” with WulfBoi
Mondays is “No Boundaries” with Chels
Tuesdays is “Partner Circle” with Emily
Wednesdays is “Kings United” with Chance Encounters
Thursdays is “It’s a Butch World Out There” with Kai
Fridays is “How Can I Help You?” with Sage Veritas
Saturdays is “A Random Quirk” with GFB Staff (for now!)
On that topic, keep on sending us your questions for our resident advice blogger Sage Veritas – we have to keep that boi busy! The advice email is Advice_GFB@yahoo.com, all submissions are anonymous and confidential. We are here to help in any way we possibly can.
We would like to add poetry and short stories to be posted on “A Random Quirk,” so if you would like to be a part of that then please utilize our Guest Submissions form and send it in to random.quirk_gfb@yahoo.com.
Until next time, stay happy, healthy, and genderfuk-y.
Xx Emily
How Can I Help You? Fourth Edition
Q: My boyfriend is having trouble binding. What can he do to help fix this and stop being disappointed? And how can I help him?
A: The first think you need to do to help your boyfriend is take any and all duct tape, ace bandages, and other terrible, awful binding methods and throw them away. Hide them, burn them, do what you will, just make sure he is never binding with them again as they can cause serious damage.
Now that you have done away with those terrible awfuls, have him read the blog on binding in the Kings United section by our very own Chance W Encounters – he is the real authority on binding. However, I can give you some outsider cliffs notes on binding.
First things first: Buy. A. Binder. For the love of all things that are holy, just have him buy a binder. If you want to help him be more comfortable, go online with him (websites on the other blog!) and help him pick one out. Make sure he knows you are there to help and support him, as it is likely going to be a dysphoric experience for him the first time. Knowing that you are there for him in a loving, supporting fashion will help him maybe more than you will ever know.
Honestly, I am just scratching the surface here – making your boyfriend comfortable with his body is going to go far beyond binding. Not to whore ourselves out here, but keep an eye out for our other blogs, especially FTM Chronicles and Partner Circle, for your boyfriend and yourself, respectively.
The moral of this story is quite simple: respect each other and make sure you are communicating openly. The more comfortable you are with his gender identity, the more willing he will be to talk to you about other issues he is having, including his ‘disappointment’ with his binding experiences.
Q: I’m FTM and so is the man I love, but I fear that people will think we’re a lesbian couple that fell into the ‘trans-trend.’
A: The only person, in my humble opinion, who should have any say over who you date is you. Not the government, society, your parents, your friends, and especially not those who are members of the same community as you.
We are all supposed to be on the same side here, and somewhere amongst the in-fighting that fact became lost. Clearly we need to get back there fast if it has gotten so bad that we are afraid to get into relationships for fear of what our peers might call us.
You and your love are both men, so far as anyone that matters is concerned. More importantly, you are both caring human beings. If you want to be together, be together. Never let the fear of what others think control your choices; the second you do that you give them control over your life, and as I mentioned earlier, no one has the right to control your happiness.
If you two end up together, I wish you all the luck in the world. I can pretty much promise you it will not be easy, but it will most definitely be worth the fight in the end.
After all, love always is.
- Sage Veritas
A: The first think you need to do to help your boyfriend is take any and all duct tape, ace bandages, and other terrible, awful binding methods and throw them away. Hide them, burn them, do what you will, just make sure he is never binding with them again as they can cause serious damage.
Now that you have done away with those terrible awfuls, have him read the blog on binding in the Kings United section by our very own Chance W Encounters – he is the real authority on binding. However, I can give you some outsider cliffs notes on binding.
First things first: Buy. A. Binder. For the love of all things that are holy, just have him buy a binder. If you want to help him be more comfortable, go online with him (websites on the other blog!) and help him pick one out. Make sure he knows you are there to help and support him, as it is likely going to be a dysphoric experience for him the first time. Knowing that you are there for him in a loving, supporting fashion will help him maybe more than you will ever know.
Honestly, I am just scratching the surface here – making your boyfriend comfortable with his body is going to go far beyond binding. Not to whore ourselves out here, but keep an eye out for our other blogs, especially FTM Chronicles and Partner Circle, for your boyfriend and yourself, respectively.
The moral of this story is quite simple: respect each other and make sure you are communicating openly. The more comfortable you are with his gender identity, the more willing he will be to talk to you about other issues he is having, including his ‘disappointment’ with his binding experiences.
Q: I’m FTM and so is the man I love, but I fear that people will think we’re a lesbian couple that fell into the ‘trans-trend.’
A: The only person, in my humble opinion, who should have any say over who you date is you. Not the government, society, your parents, your friends, and especially not those who are members of the same community as you.
We are all supposed to be on the same side here, and somewhere amongst the in-fighting that fact became lost. Clearly we need to get back there fast if it has gotten so bad that we are afraid to get into relationships for fear of what our peers might call us.
You and your love are both men, so far as anyone that matters is concerned. More importantly, you are both caring human beings. If you want to be together, be together. Never let the fear of what others think control your choices; the second you do that you give them control over your life, and as I mentioned earlier, no one has the right to control your happiness.
If you two end up together, I wish you all the luck in the world. I can pretty much promise you it will not be easy, but it will most definitely be worth the fight in the end.
After all, love always is.
- Sage Veritas
09 February 2012
It's A Butch World Out There: B-B-B-Butch
So this week I had intended to continue with what I had written about last week, which was gathering input from “straight” individuals about how they perceived the butch community. However, what has been weighing on my thoughts recently is the quote from the fourth question of my last entry:
“Oh, you aren't gay. You really just want to be a man.”
While I love some of the people in my life I call my family, they have been known to utter this statement more than once. Being completely honest, there was a brief period in my where I wondered if I had been born into the wrong body. I always had felt as though there was something wrong with me; for some reason, my body in my head did not align with my idea of how it should appear.
Following my coming out at seventeen, I began working towards how I felt my image should look. Butching it up, slowly but surely, I went from wearing clingy women’s clothing to mens jeans and shirts. And you know what? I liked it. A lot. Recently I made an even more noticeable change and cut off a good 12 inches of my hair. I had wanted to do this for awhile, but sometimes it takes a little courage and a leap of faith to do so. (My courage just happened to come in the form of tequila). As simple a solution as it sounds, I became more content with how I looked just by changing how I represented myself.
How do I feel about myself right now? Not 100%. I have good days and bad days. But my unhappiness with how I look does not stem from being born into the wrong body. I realize that not everyone is as fortunate as I am to be comfortable with oneself that simply. I respect my brothers and sisters of the queer community who are trans* and am constantly in awe of the courage they possess.
While the experience of being trans* differs from the experience of being butch, it is a similar courage that is shared among the queer community—the courage to be true to oneself, despite how people say you should act, behave or look.
So do I characterize myself as being more masculine? As being butch? Yes, I would say so. I also classify myself as being a cis-gendered woman. And that is perfectly okay. It is alright to be true to who you are. No one can tell you who you were born to be, nor do they have the insight in your head to properly label you. Identify as you feel fit, and for the folks who tell you that you are someone you are not?
Well they can just go fellate something.
-Kai
“Oh, you aren't gay. You really just want to be a man.”
While I love some of the people in my life I call my family, they have been known to utter this statement more than once. Being completely honest, there was a brief period in my where I wondered if I had been born into the wrong body. I always had felt as though there was something wrong with me; for some reason, my body in my head did not align with my idea of how it should appear.
Following my coming out at seventeen, I began working towards how I felt my image should look. Butching it up, slowly but surely, I went from wearing clingy women’s clothing to mens jeans and shirts. And you know what? I liked it. A lot. Recently I made an even more noticeable change and cut off a good 12 inches of my hair. I had wanted to do this for awhile, but sometimes it takes a little courage and a leap of faith to do so. (My courage just happened to come in the form of tequila). As simple a solution as it sounds, I became more content with how I looked just by changing how I represented myself.
How do I feel about myself right now? Not 100%. I have good days and bad days. But my unhappiness with how I look does not stem from being born into the wrong body. I realize that not everyone is as fortunate as I am to be comfortable with oneself that simply. I respect my brothers and sisters of the queer community who are trans* and am constantly in awe of the courage they possess.
While the experience of being trans* differs from the experience of being butch, it is a similar courage that is shared among the queer community—the courage to be true to oneself, despite how people say you should act, behave or look.
So do I characterize myself as being more masculine? As being butch? Yes, I would say so. I also classify myself as being a cis-gendered woman. And that is perfectly okay. It is alright to be true to who you are. No one can tell you who you were born to be, nor do they have the insight in your head to properly label you. Identify as you feel fit, and for the folks who tell you that you are someone you are not?
Well they can just go fellate something.
-Kai
Kings United: Choosing A Song
Picking a song to perform can be difficult, especially for a new king. If you do a song that no one knows, then you risk it being a flop. If you do a popular song that another king is known for, then you risk being seen as a copy-cat or the inferior performer. So, here are some tips to finding you a hit or even a good number for an upcoming show.
If your persona represents a specific stereotype, such as a “redneck”, then songs in the genre that fit in that stereotype would be best. Going with that example, a country or rock hit like ”Ain’t Going Down ‘Til The Sun Comes Up” or “Carry On My Wayward Son” might fair better that coming out in “redneck” attire and doing “Shake That” or “Cleaning Out My Closet.” Just like if you are taking on a celebrity persona, such as Eminem or Justin Bieber, it would be best doing their songs, rather than coming out announced as Eminem and doing “Baby” or Justin Bieber and doing “The Way I Am.”
So for your first few performances, try hits that the kings in your venue have not perfected. Once you have more of a fan base or those who know your name and face, then try venturing out with a song not known very well, yet still catchy or great to perform.
Some great numbers to do or start with are (in no particular order):
(Solo)
“The Way I Am” – Eminem
“American Soldier” – Toby Keith
“Harder To Breathe” – Maroon 5
“I Wanna Rock and Roll” – Kiss
“Highway To Hell” – AC/DC
“Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” – Will Smith
“Sexy Back” – Justin Timberlake
“Best I Ever Had” – Drake
(Group)
“Cupid’s Chokehold” – GCH
“The Call” – Backstreet Boys
“ Mmmbop” – Hanson
“Airplanes” – B.O.B.
“Bye Bye Bye” – N’Sync
(Duets w/ Queens)
“I Got You Babe” – Sonny & Cher
“I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” – Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes
“Summer Nights” - Grease
Chance W Encounters
Drag King
If your persona represents a specific stereotype, such as a “redneck”, then songs in the genre that fit in that stereotype would be best. Going with that example, a country or rock hit like ”Ain’t Going Down ‘Til The Sun Comes Up” or “Carry On My Wayward Son” might fair better that coming out in “redneck” attire and doing “Shake That” or “Cleaning Out My Closet.” Just like if you are taking on a celebrity persona, such as Eminem or Justin Bieber, it would be best doing their songs, rather than coming out announced as Eminem and doing “Baby” or Justin Bieber and doing “The Way I Am.”
So for your first few performances, try hits that the kings in your venue have not perfected. Once you have more of a fan base or those who know your name and face, then try venturing out with a song not known very well, yet still catchy or great to perform.
Some great numbers to do or start with are (in no particular order):
(Solo)
“The Way I Am” – Eminem
“American Soldier” – Toby Keith
“Harder To Breathe” – Maroon 5
“I Wanna Rock and Roll” – Kiss
“Highway To Hell” – AC/DC
“Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” – Will Smith
“Sexy Back” – Justin Timberlake
“Best I Ever Had” – Drake
(Group)
“Cupid’s Chokehold” – GCH
“The Call” – Backstreet Boys
“ Mmmbop” – Hanson
“Airplanes” – B.O.B.
“Bye Bye Bye” – N’Sync
(Duets w/ Queens)
“I Got You Babe” – Sonny & Cher
“I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” – Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes
“Summer Nights” - Grease
Chance W Encounters
Drag King
07 February 2012
Partner Circle: Never Stop Fighting
"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." – E.E. Cummings
Mr. Cummings does seem to have a point, here; one should never stop fighting to protect whom they are from outside influences. But what happens when who you are does not ‘mesh’ with the outside world? When day after day, everyone looks at you as an outsider, and even worse…when you do not blame them, because you see yourself as one as well. It gets harder and harder every day to keep getting up, knowing the same battles await us. But, every morning, we all get up anyway. We shower, we dress, we brush our hair, and we ready ourselves for the day. Then, we forge into battle.
We do this because we have to; we do this because we have no other choice. This is the life we were given, and depending on your faith and belief system, this is the life we were meant to have. For better or worse, this is it. For most of the straight, cis-gendered, white, rich population, that is just fine. But for the rest of us…well, it is just not that simple.
I do not think anyone here will try to argue that sexuality, gender identity, or sexual preference are ‘choices’, but there are those in the world that will try to tell you otherwise. Do not let them. I am who I am because this is the way it was made, and you are no different. This is for all of you – boy and boi, male and female, trans* and cis alike – never let anyone tell you that who you are, is anything less than perfect.
Some of you reading this may not have a partner that supports you in this way; for the first twenty-three years of my life, I was fairly certain such a person did not exist. But all I can say is that it does. Maybe they have not yet to find you, maybe you are not ready to meet them yet. Maybe that loving, supporting person that you are waiting for is right in front of you. Instead of searching the entire world for someone to see you for who you are, look for the one person who already does. I promise, they are out there as long as you can open your eyes.
I personally thank G-d every single day that I am not normal, as I could not even imagine how boring that must be. I urge you all to try to look at life the same way, if only for a day, an hour, a moment, if that is all you can manage. Look at your life and smile; for all that you have, all that you have lost, and all that will never be. No matter how ugly the world gets, no matter how much pain you are forced to face, your life is still worth standing up and fighting for. You are exactly who and where you need to be, and never, ever let anyone tell you any different.
Xx Emily
Mr. Cummings does seem to have a point, here; one should never stop fighting to protect whom they are from outside influences. But what happens when who you are does not ‘mesh’ with the outside world? When day after day, everyone looks at you as an outsider, and even worse…when you do not blame them, because you see yourself as one as well. It gets harder and harder every day to keep getting up, knowing the same battles await us. But, every morning, we all get up anyway. We shower, we dress, we brush our hair, and we ready ourselves for the day. Then, we forge into battle.
We do this because we have to; we do this because we have no other choice. This is the life we were given, and depending on your faith and belief system, this is the life we were meant to have. For better or worse, this is it. For most of the straight, cis-gendered, white, rich population, that is just fine. But for the rest of us…well, it is just not that simple.
I do not think anyone here will try to argue that sexuality, gender identity, or sexual preference are ‘choices’, but there are those in the world that will try to tell you otherwise. Do not let them. I am who I am because this is the way it was made, and you are no different. This is for all of you – boy and boi, male and female, trans* and cis alike – never let anyone tell you that who you are, is anything less than perfect.
Some of you reading this may not have a partner that supports you in this way; for the first twenty-three years of my life, I was fairly certain such a person did not exist. But all I can say is that it does. Maybe they have not yet to find you, maybe you are not ready to meet them yet. Maybe that loving, supporting person that you are waiting for is right in front of you. Instead of searching the entire world for someone to see you for who you are, look for the one person who already does. I promise, they are out there as long as you can open your eyes.
I personally thank G-d every single day that I am not normal, as I could not even imagine how boring that must be. I urge you all to try to look at life the same way, if only for a day, an hour, a moment, if that is all you can manage. Look at your life and smile; for all that you have, all that you have lost, and all that will never be. No matter how ugly the world gets, no matter how much pain you are forced to face, your life is still worth standing up and fighting for. You are exactly who and where you need to be, and never, ever let anyone tell you any different.
Xx Emily
06 February 2012
No Boundaries: Girlfriend's POV
Hello Genderfuk Boiz, this week I was talking to my girlfriend Kelli who comes across as girly sometimes with dresses, make up and such. She has dated Genderqueer people before and was asked the usual questions 'why does your girlfriend look like a boy, why does she wear mens clothes, maybe you don't really like women.' We both agree that it shouldn't matter what one wears, how they act or who they are. Over the years comments like these stopped bugging and phasing her. She loves people for who they are, not what they wear or how people see them. She sees past the social boundaries and naive comments, loves me for me... for my cargo shorts and sports bras, for giggling when she kisses me, or for my love of romantic movies. I hope someday everyone sees past the social boundaries, and have the world see people for people and love one-another.
I hope all of you get the love and respect you deserve.
~Chels
I hope all of you get the love and respect you deserve.
~Chels
05 February 2012
FTM Chronicles: Name Change Info in the U.S.
Ever go to use your bank card for a purchase and the cashier give you a weird look because of your current name and your appearance before demanding for your identification? Well, for a trans guy that could be extremely embarrassing especially after starting hormones. Changing your name is a big deal for transgender folks.
When I did mine, it cost me nothing for the actual name change. My lawyer was pro bono, the filing fees waived, even publication was waived. It could have cost me hundreds of dollars in my state if I did not find this lawyer (link will be posted below next to PA). So, to help my brothers out, I did a little research on each state in the U.S. for filing a name change. Some states have LGBT legal centers that handle these issues, but not all do. If I cannot find a center, then I will post a link to a form or how to in your state. If anyone has done a name change in any of these states, please write to us and help provide information for others to do so as well. Or if any information or links are incorrect, please let us know so it can be fixed. We are all here to help each other out as best as we can.
NATIONAL: http://www.lambdalegal.org/ ; http://www.nclrights.org/site/PageServer?pagename=issue_transgender ; http://www.aclu.org/hiv-aids_lgbt-rights/know-your-rights-transgender-people-and-law
AL: I could not find a legal center that handled these issues at this time, but from acquaintances of mine in this state, all they had to do was go to their local Probate Judge’s Office to file. A judge was not seen, but a small $18-19 fee was charged and their name was changed.
AK: http://www.courts.alaska.gov/shcname.htm
AZ: http://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/SuperiorCourt/Self-ServiceCenter/ ; http://supreme.state.az.us/selfserv/Phase_1a/nmchg_p.pdf
AR: http://sherrylanina.tripod.com/arkansasnamechange.htm
CA: http://transgenderlawcenter.org/cms/content/community-legal-services
CO: http://www.ittakesavillagecolorado.org/programs/transaction.htm
CT: www.twentyclub.org/docs/paper.html ; an acquaintance in Avon also said they just went to the court office with ID and Birth Certificate, made an appointment and it went through fairly quick; http://conference.transadvocacy.org/documents/translegal.pdf ; see New England for more links
DE: http://courts.delaware.gov/Help/ChangeName/
DC: Apply for a case with the civil division by calling (202)-879-1133 or see a clerk in JM-170 of the Moultrie Courthouse. Fill out Application at http://www.dccourts.gov/docs/civil/dcsc31.pdf , then apply in person at the Moultrie Courthouse. A fee will be needed, not sure on the actual amount. Then you get a court date and appear before a judge. Not all in the same day. ; http://dctranscoalition.wordpress.com/resources/how-to-legally-change-your-namegender-in-dc-va-and-md/
FL: http://www.transgenderlaw.org/resources/floridakit.pdf ; http://www.eqfl.org/
GA:http://www.kwomacklaw.com/more/index.cfm?Fuseaction=more_5531#Name_Change_Petitions ; http://www.megafamilyproject.org/informed/trans.html
HI: http://hawaii.gov/ltgov/office/name/index.html/
ID: http://www.courtselfhelp.idaho.gov/namechange.asp
IL: http://www.genderadvocates.org/?q=node/17
IN: http://www.tgboards.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=1113 ; http://www.in.gov/pla/3053.htm
IA: http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/name/iowa.html
KS: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
KY: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
LA: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
ME: http://www.mainetransnet.org/trans/legal.html ; http://www.mainelgbtlaw.com/blog/about/ ; see New England for more links
MD: http://dctranscoalition.wordpress.com/resources/how-to-legally-change-your-namegender-in-dc-va-and-md/ ; http://chasebrexton.org/wellness/lgbt/transition/
MA: http://www.masstpc.org/projects/namechange.shtml ; http://www.umass.edu/stonewall/transresguide/ ; http://www.robertlapointe.com/ (trans friendly lawyer) ;see New England for more links
MI: http://www.arcusfoundation.org/images/uploads/downloads/tgmanual.pdf
MN: http://www.outfront.org/library/changename
MS: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
MO: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
MT: http://www.montanatdor.org/tdor/documents/MontanaTDOR%20Name%20Change%20Resource%20Guide.pdf ; http://www.montanatdor.org/
New England: http://www.glad.org/work/initiatives/c/transgender-rights-project/ ; www.gicne.org ; http://www.glad.org/uploads/docs/publications/trans-legal-issues.pdf
NE: http://involved.unl.edu/lgbtqa/trans/records.php
NV: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
NH: see New England for links
NJ: http://jplaw.com/transgender.html ; http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/prose/10551_namechg_adult.pdf ; http://mazzonicenter.org/ (the legal services I used for my name change)
NM: http://www.transgendernm.org/Professional_Services.html
NY: http://www.transgenderlegal.org/ ; http://srlp.org/ ; http://www.le-gal.org/site/
NC: http://phoenixtgs.weebly.com/getting-your-legal-name-change.html
ND: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
OH: http://www.transohio.org/change/bmvchange.html
OK: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
OR: http://www.resourcespdx.org/non-medical/change-sex-oregon-id/ ; http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/name/ORinstructions.pdf
PA: http://mazzonicenter.org/ (the legal services I used for my name change) ; http://jplaw.com/transgender.html ; www.center4civilrights.org
RI: http://www.youthprideri.org/Resources/TransgenderSpecificResources/tabid/275/Default.aspx ; https://sites.google.com/site/sneftmgroup/gender-marker-name-change-info ; http://www.robertlapointe.com/ (trans friendly lawyer) ; see New England for more links
SC: www.scstatehouse.net/code/t15c049.htm
SD: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
TN: http://www.knoxboyz.org/ ; http://transgender.livejournal.com/2450692.html
TX: http://jamiward.blogspot.com/2010/12/documentation-change-101.html ; http://www.texasnamechangelaw.com/requirements.asp
UT: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
VT: http://vtveto.wordpress.com/resources/vermont-name-change/ ; see New England for more links
VA: http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/name/namechangeformi.pdf ; http://dctranscoalition.wordpress.com/resources/how-to-legally-change-your-namegender-in-dc-va-and-md/
WA: http://uwqcenter.wordpress.com/resources/transgender/ ; http://www.co.pierce.wa.us/pc/Abtus/ourorg/distct/dc1faq.htm#namechg
WV: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
WI: http://www.forge-forward.org/socialsupport/emergence-disclosure.html
WY: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
Well, that is each state in the United States. I apologize for not having a lot of information for each individual state. As I stated above, please contact us at Genderfuk.Boiz@yahoo.com or me personally on my face book page or email at cmdesilvah@yahoo.com if you have done a legal name change in the US so we can share as much information on this much needed process. I know I did a lot of research on my particular state, so others will have more information on theirs. This way we can keep this updated for all.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
When I did mine, it cost me nothing for the actual name change. My lawyer was pro bono, the filing fees waived, even publication was waived. It could have cost me hundreds of dollars in my state if I did not find this lawyer (link will be posted below next to PA). So, to help my brothers out, I did a little research on each state in the U.S. for filing a name change. Some states have LGBT legal centers that handle these issues, but not all do. If I cannot find a center, then I will post a link to a form or how to in your state. If anyone has done a name change in any of these states, please write to us and help provide information for others to do so as well. Or if any information or links are incorrect, please let us know so it can be fixed. We are all here to help each other out as best as we can.
NATIONAL: http://www.lambdalegal.org/ ; http://www.nclrights.org/site/PageServer?pagename=issue_transgender ; http://www.aclu.org/hiv-aids_lgbt-rights/know-your-rights-transgender-people-and-law
AL: I could not find a legal center that handled these issues at this time, but from acquaintances of mine in this state, all they had to do was go to their local Probate Judge’s Office to file. A judge was not seen, but a small $18-19 fee was charged and their name was changed.
AK: http://www.courts.alaska.gov/shcname.htm
AZ: http://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/SuperiorCourt/Self-ServiceCenter/ ; http://supreme.state.az.us/selfserv/Phase_1a/nmchg_p.pdf
AR: http://sherrylanina.tripod.com/arkansasnamechange.htm
CA: http://transgenderlawcenter.org/cms/content/community-legal-services
CO: http://www.ittakesavillagecolorado.org/programs/transaction.htm
CT: www.twentyclub.org/docs/paper.html ; an acquaintance in Avon also said they just went to the court office with ID and Birth Certificate, made an appointment and it went through fairly quick; http://conference.transadvocacy.org/documents/translegal.pdf ; see New England for more links
DE: http://courts.delaware.gov/Help/ChangeName/
DC: Apply for a case with the civil division by calling (202)-879-1133 or see a clerk in JM-170 of the Moultrie Courthouse. Fill out Application at http://www.dccourts.gov/docs/civil/dcsc31.pdf , then apply in person at the Moultrie Courthouse. A fee will be needed, not sure on the actual amount. Then you get a court date and appear before a judge. Not all in the same day. ; http://dctranscoalition.wordpress.com/resources/how-to-legally-change-your-namegender-in-dc-va-and-md/
FL: http://www.transgenderlaw.org/resources/floridakit.pdf ; http://www.eqfl.org/
GA:http://www.kwomacklaw.com/more/index.cfm?Fuseaction=more_5531#Name_Change_Petitions ; http://www.megafamilyproject.org/informed/trans.html
HI: http://hawaii.gov/ltgov/office/name/index.html/
ID: http://www.courtselfhelp.idaho.gov/namechange.asp
IL: http://www.genderadvocates.org/?q=node/17
IN: http://www.tgboards.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=1113 ; http://www.in.gov/pla/3053.htm
IA: http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/name/iowa.html
KS: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
KY: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
LA: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
ME: http://www.mainetransnet.org/trans/legal.html ; http://www.mainelgbtlaw.com/blog/about/ ; see New England for more links
MD: http://dctranscoalition.wordpress.com/resources/how-to-legally-change-your-namegender-in-dc-va-and-md/ ; http://chasebrexton.org/wellness/lgbt/transition/
MA: http://www.masstpc.org/projects/namechange.shtml ; http://www.umass.edu/stonewall/transresguide/ ; http://www.robertlapointe.com/ (trans friendly lawyer) ;see New England for more links
MI: http://www.arcusfoundation.org/images/uploads/downloads/tgmanual.pdf
MN: http://www.outfront.org/library/changename
MS: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
MO: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
MT: http://www.montanatdor.org/tdor/documents/MontanaTDOR%20Name%20Change%20Resource%20Guide.pdf ; http://www.montanatdor.org/
New England: http://www.glad.org/work/initiatives/c/transgender-rights-project/ ; www.gicne.org ; http://www.glad.org/uploads/docs/publications/trans-legal-issues.pdf
NE: http://involved.unl.edu/lgbtqa/trans/records.php
NV: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
NH: see New England for links
NJ: http://jplaw.com/transgender.html ; http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/prose/10551_namechg_adult.pdf ; http://mazzonicenter.org/ (the legal services I used for my name change)
NM: http://www.transgendernm.org/Professional_Services.html
NY: http://www.transgenderlegal.org/ ; http://srlp.org/ ; http://www.le-gal.org/site/
NC: http://phoenixtgs.weebly.com/getting-your-legal-name-change.html
ND: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
OH: http://www.transohio.org/change/bmvchange.html
OK: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
OR: http://www.resourcespdx.org/non-medical/change-sex-oregon-id/ ; http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/name/ORinstructions.pdf
PA: http://mazzonicenter.org/ (the legal services I used for my name change) ; http://jplaw.com/transgender.html ; www.center4civilrights.org
RI: http://www.youthprideri.org/Resources/TransgenderSpecificResources/tabid/275/Default.aspx ; https://sites.google.com/site/sneftmgroup/gender-marker-name-change-info ; http://www.robertlapointe.com/ (trans friendly lawyer) ; see New England for more links
SC: www.scstatehouse.net/code/t15c049.htm
SD: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
TN: http://www.knoxboyz.org/ ; http://transgender.livejournal.com/2450692.html
TX: http://jamiward.blogspot.com/2010/12/documentation-change-101.html ; http://www.texasnamechangelaw.com/requirements.asp
UT: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
VT: http://vtveto.wordpress.com/resources/vermont-name-change/ ; see New England for more links
VA: http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/name/namechangeformi.pdf ; http://dctranscoalition.wordpress.com/resources/how-to-legally-change-your-namegender-in-dc-va-and-md/
WA: http://uwqcenter.wordpress.com/resources/transgender/ ; http://www.co.pierce.wa.us/pc/Abtus/ourorg/distct/dc1faq.htm#namechg
WV: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
WI: http://www.forge-forward.org/socialsupport/emergence-disclosure.html
WY: see AL for the same procedure though costs may be different
Well, that is each state in the United States. I apologize for not having a lot of information for each individual state. As I stated above, please contact us at Genderfuk.Boiz@yahoo.com or me personally on my face book page or email at cmdesilvah@yahoo.com if you have done a legal name change in the US so we can share as much information on this much needed process. I know I did a lot of research on my particular state, so others will have more information on theirs. This way we can keep this updated for all.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
04 February 2012
How Can I Help You? Third Edition
Q: I'm Transgendered and having trouble being myself. I'm afraid to present myself as my true gender. There is so much hate in the world. What should I do?
A: Being yourself is a terrifying concept, because it opens you up to other people, to the world, to how broken our society really is. My only advice to you is to take time to examine yourself, because the way you identify to yourself is far more important than how you present to other people. Ask yourself why you are so scared – do you think people will not like you as much? Do you think it will scare away potential partners? If either of these is ringing true, I have one more question for you: could you really be happy with someone you cannot be your whole self around? If you think you could, then you are not ready to come out yet…and there is nothing wrong with that. Take as much time as you need to figure yourself out before you bring other people into the mix. Being comfortable with yourself first will open the door for you to find someone who will love you and see you for all that you are.
I am not going to say it will be easy; I would never lie to someone that way. What I will say is this, though – the world is changing. Please do not be so distracted by the hatred that you miss all the love that is out there waiting for you.
Q: I am a bio woman and my boyfriend is ftm. It is rare that anyone knows about his situation so I have no one to talk to besides him. And there are times I do not want to talk to him about things. I mean, technically he is still a female. Female body, female voice, female name. So does that make me a lesbian?
A: First things first – how does he identify? If he is FTM, prefers male pronouns (even if he still has a “female” name) or has expressed the desire to transition, then you need to respect your partner’s gender identity. Just because his body has a more “feminine” look (assuming he is pre-T) does not make him any less of a man – what makes him a man is who he really is, who he is inside, not the body he happens to have.
Now to the issue at hand…I am not going to tell you if you are or are not a lesbian, and that is because there is literally nothing that matters less than that. I understand that labels are important, especially if you have recently come out, and I do not mean to be harsh in saying this but it needs to be said, and it seems as if you need to hear it – there are more important things than you in this world. If your partner is male identifying and female bodied, he most likely has some body dysphoria If you want to make him feel more insecure and dysphoric, referring to him as your ‘girlfriend’ or yourself as a ‘lesbian’ because you are with him is a really awesome way to do that.
Your partner deserves someone who loves and respects them for exactly who they are, and from your question, I am going to guess you are having your doubts. Please understand I am in no way saying you are in the wrong or you need to feel something you are not ready to feel. Some people simply are not meant to be. So look inside yourself. Try to figure out if your label is more important to you than your partner’s full comfort. It might seem like there is a right and a wrong answer, but there most certainly is not.
If you think you can love, support, and be with him regardless of what you “call” it, then I wish you both the best of luck.
But if you do not think this I something you are ready for, then you both need to let the other go…and I wish you the best of luck if that happens to be the case as well.
-Sage Veritas
A: Being yourself is a terrifying concept, because it opens you up to other people, to the world, to how broken our society really is. My only advice to you is to take time to examine yourself, because the way you identify to yourself is far more important than how you present to other people. Ask yourself why you are so scared – do you think people will not like you as much? Do you think it will scare away potential partners? If either of these is ringing true, I have one more question for you: could you really be happy with someone you cannot be your whole self around? If you think you could, then you are not ready to come out yet…and there is nothing wrong with that. Take as much time as you need to figure yourself out before you bring other people into the mix. Being comfortable with yourself first will open the door for you to find someone who will love you and see you for all that you are.
I am not going to say it will be easy; I would never lie to someone that way. What I will say is this, though – the world is changing. Please do not be so distracted by the hatred that you miss all the love that is out there waiting for you.
Q: I am a bio woman and my boyfriend is ftm. It is rare that anyone knows about his situation so I have no one to talk to besides him. And there are times I do not want to talk to him about things. I mean, technically he is still a female. Female body, female voice, female name. So does that make me a lesbian?
A: First things first – how does he identify? If he is FTM, prefers male pronouns (even if he still has a “female” name) or has expressed the desire to transition, then you need to respect your partner’s gender identity. Just because his body has a more “feminine” look (assuming he is pre-T) does not make him any less of a man – what makes him a man is who he really is, who he is inside, not the body he happens to have.
Now to the issue at hand…I am not going to tell you if you are or are not a lesbian, and that is because there is literally nothing that matters less than that. I understand that labels are important, especially if you have recently come out, and I do not mean to be harsh in saying this but it needs to be said, and it seems as if you need to hear it – there are more important things than you in this world. If your partner is male identifying and female bodied, he most likely has some body dysphoria If you want to make him feel more insecure and dysphoric, referring to him as your ‘girlfriend’ or yourself as a ‘lesbian’ because you are with him is a really awesome way to do that.
Your partner deserves someone who loves and respects them for exactly who they are, and from your question, I am going to guess you are having your doubts. Please understand I am in no way saying you are in the wrong or you need to feel something you are not ready to feel. Some people simply are not meant to be. So look inside yourself. Try to figure out if your label is more important to you than your partner’s full comfort. It might seem like there is a right and a wrong answer, but there most certainly is not.
If you think you can love, support, and be with him regardless of what you “call” it, then I wish you both the best of luck.
But if you do not think this I something you are ready for, then you both need to let the other go…and I wish you the best of luck if that happens to be the case as well.
-Sage Veritas
02 February 2012
It's A Butch World Out There: Question Time
Good evenin’ and Happy Groundhog Day to all you butch ladies and butch lovahs out there! Word on the street is that we have six more weeks of winter ahead. Thanks Punxsutawney Phil! Now, to focus my energy more on the blog at hand!
Something that I’ve been pondering lately, recently stepping forward into the realm of butchdom, is how people outside the LGBTQ community view us more masculine types. I wanted to know how they define butch, who they think is “butch”, et cetera. So! I devised a set of seven questions to ask various individuals in my life what they think. I asked a wide variety of people (i.e. different age ranges, different genders, different races, different levels of education and so on) and below are the questions and the various responses I received!
1) How do you define the term butch?
-“Having more masculine characteristics, low maintenance, short hair, neutral clothes, not embracing traditional standards”
-“A masculine person”
-“A term applied to a female who looks a helluva lot like a guy”
-“Super masculine, super dyke lesbian”
-“’Butch’" is one of those terms that is self-appointed. I have a difficult time identifying someone as being ‘butch’ because I don't feel it is my place to do so. Since I have to define the word, I would call it an abundance of the masculine gender.”
2) Who does the term apply to? Does it exclude genders other than female?
-“I assumed it applies to women, though I’ve never really thought about it in depth.”
-“Not just lesbians, but masculine looking women in general. I’ve never really thought about guys as being butch”
-“When I hear the word butch, it excludes other genders in my mind.”
-“Men can be butch”
-“I do think a male can be butch as well as a female; let's remember from where the term came (a tough youth or an abbreviation for "butcher"). Recently I think it has been associated with masculine women.”
-“Exclusively a term for females”
3) Is butch more in the attitude of a person or in the attire they wear?
-“Attire.”
-“Attire. I think there’s a certain attitude though. Butch women seem more confident and present themselves in a positive way”
-“Both. Even though I would not categorize you as super masculine.”
-“Attitude, but the attitude of a person is shown in the clothes they wear and they way they carry themselves.”
-“Butch is not just in the attire they wear, but also hairstyle. I wouldn’t personally say a girl is butch by her attitude. She may have the attitude of a guy, but some guys like that, whether straight or LGBT.”
-“Both. One can consider his/her-self butch in attitude but dress in an opposing manner the same as one can be identified as butch by their attire. The attitude can remain throughout wardrobe changes.”
4) How would you respond to the statement, "Oh, you aren't gay. You really just want to be a man."? [Note: This is something people have said to me, and I’m sure it’s been said to others as well. I’m curious to see reactions—whether folks agree/disagree, etc.]
-“I think that’s stupid. Just ‘cause you wear jeans, sneakers, and have short hair doesn’t mean you want to be a man.”
-“I get angered by that. I mean, I think I’m feminine. Aren’t I femme? You would NEVER catch me in a fuckin’ dress. You are born that way. It’s just in you.”
-“What? What’s the difference? That’s fucked up.”
-“I think it could be true, depending on the person.”
-“False. Polar opposites in my opinion. Especially if you’re a man hater.”
-“I don't think it's appropriate for anyone else to make a statement as such. What if the person to whom you are speaking doesn't want to be a man and just likes girls? Plain and simple. Out of any context, I find this statement offensive”
5) A. Is butch a label limited to the queer community?
-“Yes, in my mind. I guess if I see a woman who fits my idea of what butch is, that there’s a greater chance they’re gay. People often assume.”
-“I would say yes.”
-“No. It applies to all communities”
-“Currently, yes.”
B. Can an individual who identifies as “straight” be considered butch?
-“Yes. Yes. Yes.”
-“No.”
-“Yes. It’s more of an attitude than a gender ID”
-“Absolutely! Someone can be butch regardless of gender. Can anyone "straight" be considered flamboyant?”
-“Girls can look butch despite their sexual orientation.”
6) Lastly, just for fun: When you hear the word butch, who is the first celebrity who pops into your head?
-“Ellen DeGeneres.”
-“OMG! Ellen? She’s not butch! But her eyes are fucking amazing! Oh my God…The housekeeper! On Two and Half Men! She’s even butch, and she has long hair.”
-“Rosie O’Donnell. But I wouldn’t even really consider her super butch. But at one time—yeah. No one else really stands out.”
-“Rosie O’Donnell. No idea why.”
-“Renee Zelwegger.”
-“No one. I don't associate anyone famous with this term.”
And there you have it ladies and gents. I think in my spare time, I may even ask people this just out of sheer curiosity. It is always interesting (to me, at least) to see how other individuals view a group outside of themselves. Next week I will be asking these same questions to person inside the LGBTQ community.
That being said, there is only one question that still lingers in my mind…
…Renee Zelwegger? Really??
-Kai
Something that I’ve been pondering lately, recently stepping forward into the realm of butchdom, is how people outside the LGBTQ community view us more masculine types. I wanted to know how they define butch, who they think is “butch”, et cetera. So! I devised a set of seven questions to ask various individuals in my life what they think. I asked a wide variety of people (i.e. different age ranges, different genders, different races, different levels of education and so on) and below are the questions and the various responses I received!
1) How do you define the term butch?
-“Having more masculine characteristics, low maintenance, short hair, neutral clothes, not embracing traditional standards”
-“A masculine person”
-“A term applied to a female who looks a helluva lot like a guy”
-“Super masculine, super dyke lesbian”
-“’Butch’" is one of those terms that is self-appointed. I have a difficult time identifying someone as being ‘butch’ because I don't feel it is my place to do so. Since I have to define the word, I would call it an abundance of the masculine gender.”
2) Who does the term apply to? Does it exclude genders other than female?
-“I assumed it applies to women, though I’ve never really thought about it in depth.”
-“Not just lesbians, but masculine looking women in general. I’ve never really thought about guys as being butch”
-“When I hear the word butch, it excludes other genders in my mind.”
-“Men can be butch”
-“I do think a male can be butch as well as a female; let's remember from where the term came (a tough youth or an abbreviation for "butcher"). Recently I think it has been associated with masculine women.”
-“Exclusively a term for females”
3) Is butch more in the attitude of a person or in the attire they wear?
-“Attire.”
-“Attire. I think there’s a certain attitude though. Butch women seem more confident and present themselves in a positive way”
-“Both. Even though I would not categorize you as super masculine.”
-“Attitude, but the attitude of a person is shown in the clothes they wear and they way they carry themselves.”
-“Butch is not just in the attire they wear, but also hairstyle. I wouldn’t personally say a girl is butch by her attitude. She may have the attitude of a guy, but some guys like that, whether straight or LGBT.”
-“Both. One can consider his/her-self butch in attitude but dress in an opposing manner the same as one can be identified as butch by their attire. The attitude can remain throughout wardrobe changes.”
4) How would you respond to the statement, "Oh, you aren't gay. You really just want to be a man."? [Note: This is something people have said to me, and I’m sure it’s been said to others as well. I’m curious to see reactions—whether folks agree/disagree, etc.]
-“I think that’s stupid. Just ‘cause you wear jeans, sneakers, and have short hair doesn’t mean you want to be a man.”
-“I get angered by that. I mean, I think I’m feminine. Aren’t I femme? You would NEVER catch me in a fuckin’ dress. You are born that way. It’s just in you.”
-“What? What’s the difference? That’s fucked up.”
-“I think it could be true, depending on the person.”
-“False. Polar opposites in my opinion. Especially if you’re a man hater.”
-“I don't think it's appropriate for anyone else to make a statement as such. What if the person to whom you are speaking doesn't want to be a man and just likes girls? Plain and simple. Out of any context, I find this statement offensive”
5) A. Is butch a label limited to the queer community?
-“Yes, in my mind. I guess if I see a woman who fits my idea of what butch is, that there’s a greater chance they’re gay. People often assume.”
-“I would say yes.”
-“No. It applies to all communities”
-“Currently, yes.”
B. Can an individual who identifies as “straight” be considered butch?
-“Yes. Yes. Yes.”
-“No.”
-“Yes. It’s more of an attitude than a gender ID”
-“Absolutely! Someone can be butch regardless of gender. Can anyone "straight" be considered flamboyant?”
-“Girls can look butch despite their sexual orientation.”
6) Lastly, just for fun: When you hear the word butch, who is the first celebrity who pops into your head?
-“Ellen DeGeneres.”
-“OMG! Ellen? She’s not butch! But her eyes are fucking amazing! Oh my God…The housekeeper! On Two and Half Men! She’s even butch, and she has long hair.”
-“Rosie O’Donnell. But I wouldn’t even really consider her super butch. But at one time—yeah. No one else really stands out.”
-“Rosie O’Donnell. No idea why.”
-“Renee Zelwegger.”
-“No one. I don't associate anyone famous with this term.”
And there you have it ladies and gents. I think in my spare time, I may even ask people this just out of sheer curiosity. It is always interesting (to me, at least) to see how other individuals view a group outside of themselves. Next week I will be asking these same questions to person inside the LGBTQ community.
That being said, there is only one question that still lingers in my mind…
…Renee Zelwegger? Really??
-Kai
01 February 2012
Kings United: Binding
I do not do shows as often as I use to back when I started, but I did do a few shows this past December. One thing that has not changed, is binding techniques and how often kings get it wrong. There are ways to bind and ways not to because binding can cause serious damage. I will go through the list of what is used, whether you should or shouldn’t use each method, and the best way to go about the method. I will not cover open shirt binding since that in its self will be an entire blog. I will try and cover that for next week. So let’s start.
The most common mistake I see people do is use an ace bandage and/or duct tape. First duct tape against skin can cause serious damage to your skin and can rip it off. Do not apply duct tape to your skin. To use an ace bandage, you just merely wrap it around your chest, positioning your chest comfortably underneath. Some also apply the duct tape over the ace bandage. Either way, it is also very, very dangerous. Whenever I see kings using an ace bandage, I stop them and talk to them about the dangers of using one. Kings that are not trans* often do not understand or know of the risks that come with binding. Such as muscle atrophy and rib cage malformation. I would never suggest ever using this method of binding. I only mention it here as a guide to correct oneself if it is being used.
Sports bras are also as a binding technique. Just get the smallest size comfortable for you and still lets you breath. Using two on top of each other is also common for bigger chested kings. Again, I have seen some who have used duct tape over a sports bra. I urge you not to do so as it is very dangerous. This method when used properly for a show is ok. Just remember to relax by removing the binding after a few hours if you will be expected to stay in drag for longer. Never bind for more than eight hours.
Back braces, abdominal trimmer, and compression shirts can also be used. These are used less frequent but are a cheap method. I do not have much experience in using or seeing kings who have used these, but I am sure they follow the same binding safety precautions as any binding method.
The best and safest way to bind is to use a binder (ftm binder, gynecomastia binder). Most binder sites have a size chart and such. Do not go smaller thinking it will conceal or bind you better. It will only cause breathing problems and other serious issues already mentioned. Each of mine was purchased from Underworks, the 983 style. I prefer and recommend the tri-top styles over the full length ones since it reduces the chance of rolling. The full length ones, even when tucked in and layered upon, tend to roll up and be very uncomfortable. Also, extra layers on the front are better, the single layers do not bind well.
Here are the links to the two most common and cheaper binder sites since I do not know any that sell in stores.
Underworks: ftm.underworks.com or drag-king.underworks.com
T-kingdom: t-kingdom.com
No matter the method or technique used for binding, they all carry the same risks and dangers. So be cautious. Do not bind for longer than roughly eight hours. Doing so will cause muscle atrophy and/or rib cage malformation. Do not sleep in any binding. Doing so will cause sleep apnea. Bruising and breathing problems can also occur. Always be careful when binding. Never go too tight either. If you cannot breathe while just standing after just putting on binding, then how will you breathe while performing? Not very well. Nor is it good for you. Layers will help in binding and concealing so do not think that going as tight as possible will flatten you enough for the show. Be cautious, and just wear an under shirt (normal white or black t-shirt) and/or beater over your binding before your shirt for your performance. That will give you more wiggle room to wear a more comfortable binding.
As usual, if you have any questions on binding, whether to use something or not, or just any king related question, then feel free to ask in the comment section below or just email myself at chance_encounters@ymail.com or GFB at Genderfuk.boiz@yahoo.com.
Chance W Encounters
Drag King
The most common mistake I see people do is use an ace bandage and/or duct tape. First duct tape against skin can cause serious damage to your skin and can rip it off. Do not apply duct tape to your skin. To use an ace bandage, you just merely wrap it around your chest, positioning your chest comfortably underneath. Some also apply the duct tape over the ace bandage. Either way, it is also very, very dangerous. Whenever I see kings using an ace bandage, I stop them and talk to them about the dangers of using one. Kings that are not trans* often do not understand or know of the risks that come with binding. Such as muscle atrophy and rib cage malformation. I would never suggest ever using this method of binding. I only mention it here as a guide to correct oneself if it is being used.
Sports bras are also as a binding technique. Just get the smallest size comfortable for you and still lets you breath. Using two on top of each other is also common for bigger chested kings. Again, I have seen some who have used duct tape over a sports bra. I urge you not to do so as it is very dangerous. This method when used properly for a show is ok. Just remember to relax by removing the binding after a few hours if you will be expected to stay in drag for longer. Never bind for more than eight hours.
Back braces, abdominal trimmer, and compression shirts can also be used. These are used less frequent but are a cheap method. I do not have much experience in using or seeing kings who have used these, but I am sure they follow the same binding safety precautions as any binding method.
The best and safest way to bind is to use a binder (ftm binder, gynecomastia binder). Most binder sites have a size chart and such. Do not go smaller thinking it will conceal or bind you better. It will only cause breathing problems and other serious issues already mentioned. Each of mine was purchased from Underworks, the 983 style. I prefer and recommend the tri-top styles over the full length ones since it reduces the chance of rolling. The full length ones, even when tucked in and layered upon, tend to roll up and be very uncomfortable. Also, extra layers on the front are better, the single layers do not bind well.
Here are the links to the two most common and cheaper binder sites since I do not know any that sell in stores.
Underworks: ftm.underworks.com or drag-king.underworks.com
T-kingdom: t-kingdom.com
No matter the method or technique used for binding, they all carry the same risks and dangers. So be cautious. Do not bind for longer than roughly eight hours. Doing so will cause muscle atrophy and/or rib cage malformation. Do not sleep in any binding. Doing so will cause sleep apnea. Bruising and breathing problems can also occur. Always be careful when binding. Never go too tight either. If you cannot breathe while just standing after just putting on binding, then how will you breathe while performing? Not very well. Nor is it good for you. Layers will help in binding and concealing so do not think that going as tight as possible will flatten you enough for the show. Be cautious, and just wear an under shirt (normal white or black t-shirt) and/or beater over your binding before your shirt for your performance. That will give you more wiggle room to wear a more comfortable binding.
As usual, if you have any questions on binding, whether to use something or not, or just any king related question, then feel free to ask in the comment section below or just email myself at chance_encounters@ymail.com or GFB at Genderfuk.boiz@yahoo.com.
Chance W Encounters
Drag King
Partner Circle: Trans Guy Interaction
I am not your typical blogger for this column, but I am here to give a slightly different perspective. Some may know this, some may not, but I am queer. I have dated cis woman and other trans guys. We all know that trans guys have a tendency to date each other. We also know that trans guys flock to each other in groups. What some do not know, though, are the ignorant and hateful things trans guys say to and about each other.
Like any relationship, platonic and romantic origins alike, trust and open communication are major factors. There are good days and bad days for a trans guy, for example being body dysphoria. Openly talk to your partner about what is going through your mind. He should understand and be able to comfort you and ease your mind a bit. Now on the flip side, if your partner comes to you having a bad day with this issue, then be as supportive as possible. Do not assume just because you are not having a bad day that he cannot be having one. Just because you are together, that does not give you the right to discredit their emotions or criticize them.
If a fellow trans guy comes looking for advice, then help out as much as possible. Do not criticize him or his choices. It is one thing to be a mentor or a helpful friend, but it is another to be a complete and utter asshole. Not every trans guy is the same, so do not treat each the same or assume he is not ‘trans enough’ just because he goes a different route then you have. As Robert Frost said,
“…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
Be helpful, be open, be honest, be true, be loyal. No matter if it is your partner, a close friend, or a random guy in your community (group), each guy is a guy. We are all individuals. We all have different, yet similar, needs and wants. Every person is different, and that goes the same for trans guys.
Treat each other with respect.
Rawr!!!!
-WulfBoi
Like any relationship, platonic and romantic origins alike, trust and open communication are major factors. There are good days and bad days for a trans guy, for example being body dysphoria. Openly talk to your partner about what is going through your mind. He should understand and be able to comfort you and ease your mind a bit. Now on the flip side, if your partner comes to you having a bad day with this issue, then be as supportive as possible. Do not assume just because you are not having a bad day that he cannot be having one. Just because you are together, that does not give you the right to discredit their emotions or criticize them.
If a fellow trans guy comes looking for advice, then help out as much as possible. Do not criticize him or his choices. It is one thing to be a mentor or a helpful friend, but it is another to be a complete and utter asshole. Not every trans guy is the same, so do not treat each the same or assume he is not ‘trans enough’ just because he goes a different route then you have. As Robert Frost said,
“…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
Be helpful, be open, be honest, be true, be loyal. No matter if it is your partner, a close friend, or a random guy in your community (group), each guy is a guy. We are all individuals. We all have different, yet similar, needs and wants. Every person is different, and that goes the same for trans guys.
Treat each other with respect.
Rawr!!!!
-WulfBoi
30 January 2012
No Boundaries: A Mother's POV
Today I sat down with my mother and asked what she thinks about having a daughter that breaks all of societies boundaries.
She said "I'm really proud of my daughter and not just because she's a Gender queer person, in fact I usually don't even think about that... I think about the fact that she wants to help homeless animals, she's talked to me through a few panic attacks, she loves to watch chick flicks with me and we get into fun and not so fun arguments like the Gilmore Girls. I love that she loves her baby brother, that she loves her friends so much and that she cracks me up and has told me things I needed to hear even when I didn't want to hear them. I love that she forgives me for being less than perfect and that she teases me that Ellen Degeneres is her real mother. I enjoy that fact that she dresses in men's clothes, I think I'd have a heart attack now if I saw her in a skirt, even though she used to dance and wore dresses and tutus. I love that can see the male and female point of view on everything. The thing is it wouldn't matter if Chelsea was gay, transgender, green or had a 3rd eye... she is my daughter and my children are my heart walking out side of my body, no matter what they do or who they love. I know that not every gender queer person has support and I'm sure not being understood by the people that you should trust the most must be very hard, all I can say is if you're in that situation look for support from your chosen family... friends and colleagues along the way. Be yourself, and let your family learn by example."
~Chels
She said "I'm really proud of my daughter and not just because she's a Gender queer person, in fact I usually don't even think about that... I think about the fact that she wants to help homeless animals, she's talked to me through a few panic attacks, she loves to watch chick flicks with me and we get into fun and not so fun arguments like the Gilmore Girls. I love that she loves her baby brother, that she loves her friends so much and that she cracks me up and has told me things I needed to hear even when I didn't want to hear them. I love that she forgives me for being less than perfect and that she teases me that Ellen Degeneres is her real mother. I enjoy that fact that she dresses in men's clothes, I think I'd have a heart attack now if I saw her in a skirt, even though she used to dance and wore dresses and tutus. I love that can see the male and female point of view on everything. The thing is it wouldn't matter if Chelsea was gay, transgender, green or had a 3rd eye... she is my daughter and my children are my heart walking out side of my body, no matter what they do or who they love. I know that not every gender queer person has support and I'm sure not being understood by the people that you should trust the most must be very hard, all I can say is if you're in that situation look for support from your chosen family... friends and colleagues along the way. Be yourself, and let your family learn by example."
~Chels
29 January 2012
FTM Chronicles: Dysphoria pt1
I close my eyes as I lean my head forward under the shower head. Feeling the water sting against my skin as it travels down my body, I run my hands through my hair. It is one of the only moments of freedom, freedom from reality. One of the only moments when everything else disappears and the body I was wrongfully born into is gone from mind and, momentarily, memory. Sighing deeply as my hands reach out to turn back to reality with a push of a knob. Sliding the glass door slightly to reach out for the towel hanging in wait for my touch. Pressing it firmly against my face and as I lift my head, my eyes blink open.
After I allow the fabric soak up the drops still wet against my skin, I wrap the towel around my waistline, step out of the shower, and walk to the sink. Brushing my teeth in silence, I leave the fog on the mirror to avoid any eye contact to any unwanted parts. Normally, I trace certain superhero diamond shaped shield on the glass to allow a little vision to finish my personal hygiene, but today is a harder day. Quickly pulling on my boxer briefs, I put in a newly cleaned piece between the fabric and my skin to feel a little more comfortable in my appearance before pulling on my jeans.
I reach over to grab what I consider my second layer of skin and pull it over my head with a tight tug. I take a moment to straighten out the uncomfortable rolling against my ribs and making my skin comfortable underneath before pulling on a beater as well as an undershirt. Buckling up my jeans and belt after tucking in each of the two layers. The final layer then coming on over, the shirt for the day. Running my hands down my chest starting from my collarbones and ending at my beltline. Wiping down the mirror finally once fully clothed, I stare at my reflection. My hair, my facial expression, my facial hair, my clothing, the structure of body after proper placement of extra items, all of a masculine nature.
A low beeping sound guides my eyes to my wrist to note the time. One last glance in the mirror, then I gather my belongings and exit the bathroom. Opening the bedroom door, I see her look up from what she is doing and smile my way. I smile at her, pushing down my dysphoric thoughts for another time, and place my things where they belong. As I stand back up, I feel her hands on my waist so I turn. In one swift movement, my hands are at her waist as one of her hands is on my neck as the other is in the center of my chest with her palm flat against me. We whisper small romantic notions to each other and I see a look in her eyes.
She looks at me with adoration and love. Each a genderless emotion, though I know how she sees me. She sees me as the man for which she fell. She sees me as the man who wraps his strong arms around her at night. She sees me as the man who she enjoys spending time with when away from work. She sees me as the man she runs to, no matter the reason, good or bad. She sees me as the man... a man, her man, and that is all she sees me as.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
After I allow the fabric soak up the drops still wet against my skin, I wrap the towel around my waistline, step out of the shower, and walk to the sink. Brushing my teeth in silence, I leave the fog on the mirror to avoid any eye contact to any unwanted parts. Normally, I trace certain superhero diamond shaped shield on the glass to allow a little vision to finish my personal hygiene, but today is a harder day. Quickly pulling on my boxer briefs, I put in a newly cleaned piece between the fabric and my skin to feel a little more comfortable in my appearance before pulling on my jeans.
I reach over to grab what I consider my second layer of skin and pull it over my head with a tight tug. I take a moment to straighten out the uncomfortable rolling against my ribs and making my skin comfortable underneath before pulling on a beater as well as an undershirt. Buckling up my jeans and belt after tucking in each of the two layers. The final layer then coming on over, the shirt for the day. Running my hands down my chest starting from my collarbones and ending at my beltline. Wiping down the mirror finally once fully clothed, I stare at my reflection. My hair, my facial expression, my facial hair, my clothing, the structure of body after proper placement of extra items, all of a masculine nature.
A low beeping sound guides my eyes to my wrist to note the time. One last glance in the mirror, then I gather my belongings and exit the bathroom. Opening the bedroom door, I see her look up from what she is doing and smile my way. I smile at her, pushing down my dysphoric thoughts for another time, and place my things where they belong. As I stand back up, I feel her hands on my waist so I turn. In one swift movement, my hands are at her waist as one of her hands is on my neck as the other is in the center of my chest with her palm flat against me. We whisper small romantic notions to each other and I see a look in her eyes.
She looks at me with adoration and love. Each a genderless emotion, though I know how she sees me. She sees me as the man for which she fell. She sees me as the man who wraps his strong arms around her at night. She sees me as the man who she enjoys spending time with when away from work. She sees me as the man she runs to, no matter the reason, good or bad. She sees me as the man... a man, her man, and that is all she sees me as.
RAWR!!!!
-WulfBoi
28 January 2012
A Random Quirk: 01/28/2012
Hey there, ya’ll. Hopefully everyone had a great week. As some may have noticed, there was not an article yesterday for “How Can I Help you?” The reason to why that had happened was that there weren’t any emails sent in for advice. We would like to have two advice emails to respond to each week, or one if it is a longer response is needed to fully respond.
Now in other news, our first Boi of the Month for 2012 is under way. Good luck to the contestants, though I see this as a tight race ;) solo diciendo.
We also have a new edition to our columns. She will be announced with her bio once it is received. Ideally we would like to have a minimum of two columnists to each column. There are plenty of spots still open if anyone is interested. The application is short and simple. So please do apply, even if you have never written a blog or article before. We all help each other here at GFB so you will never be left alone.
As it stands currently on our columns:
Sundays is “FTM Chronicles” with WulfBoi
Mondays is “No Boundaries” with Chels
Tuesdays is “Partner Circle” with Emily
Wednesdays is “Kings United” with Chance Encounters
Thursdays is “It’s a Butch World Out There” with Kai
Fridays is “How Can I Help You?” with Sage Veritas
Saturdays is “A Random Quirk” with no particular author.
We mentioned the other day that we would like to add poetry and short stories to be posted on “A Random Quirk,” so if you would like to be a part of that then please utilize our Guest Submissions form and send it in to random.quirk_gfb@yahoo.com
Rawr!!!!
WulfBoi
Now in other news, our first Boi of the Month for 2012 is under way. Good luck to the contestants, though I see this as a tight race ;) solo diciendo.
We also have a new edition to our columns. She will be announced with her bio once it is received. Ideally we would like to have a minimum of two columnists to each column. There are plenty of spots still open if anyone is interested. The application is short and simple. So please do apply, even if you have never written a blog or article before. We all help each other here at GFB so you will never be left alone.
As it stands currently on our columns:
Sundays is “FTM Chronicles” with WulfBoi
Mondays is “No Boundaries” with Chels
Tuesdays is “Partner Circle” with Emily
Wednesdays is “Kings United” with Chance Encounters
Thursdays is “It’s a Butch World Out There” with Kai
Fridays is “How Can I Help You?” with Sage Veritas
Saturdays is “A Random Quirk” with no particular author.
We mentioned the other day that we would like to add poetry and short stories to be posted on “A Random Quirk,” so if you would like to be a part of that then please utilize our Guest Submissions form and send it in to random.quirk_gfb@yahoo.com
Rawr!!!!
WulfBoi
26 January 2012
It's A Butch World Out There: Gender Roles in Childhood
I was always one more apt to play with the boys. We shared the same interests (football, climbing trees, sword fighting, Sega Genesis) and there was always a very good chance that you’d find identical grass stains on the knees of our jeans. So when they were allowed to go without a shirt at the swimming pool, or wear pants instead of dresses to church, I would always wonder why I couldn’t do the same. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I was that girl who would stand in front of my mirror and strike poses. Not like the Madonna, “Strike a Pose” look…more like the “stand-there-in-my-jeans-shirtless-and-flex-my-non-existant-pecs-and-biceps” pose. I absolutely abhorred playing with Barbie dolls and the color pink. I still do dislike Barbies, though I’m slightly more open to pink if I absolutely must. But at that younger age, you can still get by with being one of the boys on the playground.
Things like more masculine interests only seem to cause issue when you’re supposed to grow out of that “phase”.
But what if it isn’t a phase at all? What if the kids that parents try to mold into these acceptable gender roles are really quite happy with the company they keep and the interests they have?
I consider myself among the lucky in that my family has been supportive of the activities I find appealing, even if they tend to fall into the more masculine category. They never made me feel different or wrong for not being like the majority of my cis-gendered female peers. They never told me to stop being who I was. And you know, I’m not perfect—no one is. I have had my share of ups and downs like everyone else, no matter how you identify. But how I express myself, through my clothes or hobbies has no bearing on the individual I have become. Therefore, I’d like to send a message to these parents who are so set on sticking their children into the limited realm of gender roles:
Kids are kids. Whether your boys play with footballs or dolls, or your girls done bow-ties or bangles—they’re your children. Support them and do not just label who they are as a “phase” to be gone through.
Worst case scenario, they’ll end up like me: a big ol’ butch. And you know what, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing; I’m pretty fucking awesome just as I am.
Kai
Things like more masculine interests only seem to cause issue when you’re supposed to grow out of that “phase”.
But what if it isn’t a phase at all? What if the kids that parents try to mold into these acceptable gender roles are really quite happy with the company they keep and the interests they have?
I consider myself among the lucky in that my family has been supportive of the activities I find appealing, even if they tend to fall into the more masculine category. They never made me feel different or wrong for not being like the majority of my cis-gendered female peers. They never told me to stop being who I was. And you know, I’m not perfect—no one is. I have had my share of ups and downs like everyone else, no matter how you identify. But how I express myself, through my clothes or hobbies has no bearing on the individual I have become. Therefore, I’d like to send a message to these parents who are so set on sticking their children into the limited realm of gender roles:
Kids are kids. Whether your boys play with footballs or dolls, or your girls done bow-ties or bangles—they’re your children. Support them and do not just label who they are as a “phase” to be gone through.
Worst case scenario, they’ll end up like me: a big ol’ butch. And you know what, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing; I’m pretty fucking awesome just as I am.
Kai
Kings United: Packing
Hey, ya’ll! Now that we have gotten you started on building your drag persona, let’s start working on your appearance. Drag kings are male impersonators and to do so, you are attempting to pass as a male.
Three major points in doing so are:
1. Packing
2. Binding
3. Facial Hair
Today we will focus on number one, packing. There are a few ways to pack. Some areas have stores that sell packers. Packers are a softer form of dildos that are not useable for being intimate. There are some that are, but for king purposes, you do not need to buy the expensive ones that are versatile. You may be able to find a cheap packer at a local adult store nearby for around $15-20. Most guys are not exactly bulging from the pants so unless you are going for a big reaction from it, do not go big. Smaller is better. Normally they sell them in sizes XS, S, M, L, and some places have XL. I am not hugely built so a size small does just fine and it is fine for any average sized king. You will want to either buy a packer strap to hold it in place or wear boxer briefs to hold it in place. I have never had a problem with my boxer briefs holding it in place so if you do not have to spend the extra money on a strap, I wouldn’t. Why waste money?
Another cheap way to pack is with a sock. Now socks do not pass the “squeeze test” like a packer does, but if you are not expecting to be grabbed, then there will not be an issue. A way to check sizing on sock packing is simple. If you are using a long sock, just try rolling it up once military style (you should be able to youtube this, if not then I shall make a quick short video on it for our channel if needed so just let me know). That should be the right size. If you do not have long socks, try two normal size ankle socks in the same fashion. If that does not, then add a third, but I think it should.
I have heard of kings using other things like filling a condom up with jelly fluid or a vegetable and tying it to your thigh. I STRONGLY advise against that. You should never tie anything to your thigh. You can really damage yourself by cutting of the circulation. If you have a question on whether or not to use something, that is what I am here for. So please ask if you need help or advice on packing. It is always better to play it safe.
Until next week when I cover binding… this is your drag daddy signing off.
Chance W Encounters
Drag King
Three major points in doing so are:
1. Packing
2. Binding
3. Facial Hair
Today we will focus on number one, packing. There are a few ways to pack. Some areas have stores that sell packers. Packers are a softer form of dildos that are not useable for being intimate. There are some that are, but for king purposes, you do not need to buy the expensive ones that are versatile. You may be able to find a cheap packer at a local adult store nearby for around $15-20. Most guys are not exactly bulging from the pants so unless you are going for a big reaction from it, do not go big. Smaller is better. Normally they sell them in sizes XS, S, M, L, and some places have XL. I am not hugely built so a size small does just fine and it is fine for any average sized king. You will want to either buy a packer strap to hold it in place or wear boxer briefs to hold it in place. I have never had a problem with my boxer briefs holding it in place so if you do not have to spend the extra money on a strap, I wouldn’t. Why waste money?
Another cheap way to pack is with a sock. Now socks do not pass the “squeeze test” like a packer does, but if you are not expecting to be grabbed, then there will not be an issue. A way to check sizing on sock packing is simple. If you are using a long sock, just try rolling it up once military style (you should be able to youtube this, if not then I shall make a quick short video on it for our channel if needed so just let me know). That should be the right size. If you do not have long socks, try two normal size ankle socks in the same fashion. If that does not, then add a third, but I think it should.
I have heard of kings using other things like filling a condom up with jelly fluid or a vegetable and tying it to your thigh. I STRONGLY advise against that. You should never tie anything to your thigh. You can really damage yourself by cutting of the circulation. If you have a question on whether or not to use something, that is what I am here for. So please ask if you need help or advice on packing. It is always better to play it safe.
Until next week when I cover binding… this is your drag daddy signing off.
Chance W Encounters
Drag King
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