17 February 2012

How Can I Help You? Myth Busters Edition

These myths did not come from actual submissions, but rather things that we at GFB have heard floating around and wanted to address.

Myth: It is impossible for people in the LGBTQ community to be monogamous.

Bust: Somewhere along the line, the world got this crazy notion that any one who is not strictly straight is incapable of a committed relationship. Unfortunately, those inside our community believe this myth as well, whether it is cis-men that will not date bisexual women or gay men that avoid relationships because they worry their partner will cheat. I know this is an issue for many couples, and I encourage you to talk to your partner if you worry about this, especially if you both identify as different parts of the alphabet (L and B, G and T, what have you) as you will come to the table with different perspectives. Just know this – cheating is not a ‘gay’ thing, kids…it is an asshole thing. If you cannot stay faithful to your partner, do not blame your sexual orientation. Instead, take a long look in the mirror and try to figure out what inside you is causing this behavior, and nine times out of ten, I can tell you the answer is going to be insecurity. Trust your partner, trust yourself, and I promise, monogamy within the community is more than possible.

Myth: Relationships are supposed to be easy – if they are not, you are not meant to be together.

Bust: As someone who has had this gem of wisdom used on them, I am going to emphatically call bullshit. The fact of the matter is, relationships are work. You are going to fight, you are going to have problems, no matter how long you have been together. The only difference between relationships that last and those that do not are that those that last fight for it. Both partners must be ready to fight for your relationship equally, passionately, and openly. Do not let things fester. Do not keep anything inside; do not let your resentment grow on itself. Talk to your partner. If you two really care about each other, you will find a way to work things out, no matter how bad it may seem.

Myth: I will never be able to compare to their ex, so I should not even try.

Bust: You are right, you are not their ex-partner, and thank goddess for that fact. There is a reason it did not work out with them. The past is the past, and unless it somehow finds a way to creep itself into your present, it should have no affect on your current relationship. If your partner volunteers information about their ex, take it as it is offered, and try not to make the same faux pas that they made with your current partner. The best way to avoid letting the past interfere with your relationship is to just talk about it. If you are worried about one of their exes, ask them if you have anything to worry about – if they care about you like you care about them, they will tell you straight up. If they are with you now, it is because they want to be. Do not destroy your current relationship by harping on your partners past ones.

- Sage Veritas

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