Q: My boyfriend is having trouble binding. What can he do to help fix this and stop being disappointed? And how can I help him?
A: The first think you need to do to help your boyfriend is take any and all duct tape, ace bandages, and other terrible, awful binding methods and throw them away. Hide them, burn them, do what you will, just make sure he is never binding with them again as they can cause serious damage.
Now that you have done away with those terrible awfuls, have him read the blog on binding in the Kings United section by our very own Chance W Encounters – he is the real authority on binding. However, I can give you some outsider cliffs notes on binding.
First things first: Buy. A. Binder. For the love of all things that are holy, just have him buy a binder. If you want to help him be more comfortable, go online with him (websites on the other blog!) and help him pick one out. Make sure he knows you are there to help and support him, as it is likely going to be a dysphoric experience for him the first time. Knowing that you are there for him in a loving, supporting fashion will help him maybe more than you will ever know.
Honestly, I am just scratching the surface here – making your boyfriend comfortable with his body is going to go far beyond binding. Not to whore ourselves out here, but keep an eye out for our other blogs, especially FTM Chronicles and Partner Circle, for your boyfriend and yourself, respectively.
The moral of this story is quite simple: respect each other and make sure you are communicating openly. The more comfortable you are with his gender identity, the more willing he will be to talk to you about other issues he is having, including his ‘disappointment’ with his binding experiences.
Q: I’m FTM and so is the man I love, but I fear that people will think we’re a lesbian couple that fell into the ‘trans-trend.’
A: The only person, in my humble opinion, who should have any say over who you date is you. Not the government, society, your parents, your friends, and especially not those who are members of the same community as you.
We are all supposed to be on the same side here, and somewhere amongst the in-fighting that fact became lost. Clearly we need to get back there fast if it has gotten so bad that we are afraid to get into relationships for fear of what our peers might call us.
You and your love are both men, so far as anyone that matters is concerned. More importantly, you are both caring human beings. If you want to be together, be together. Never let the fear of what others think control your choices; the second you do that you give them control over your life, and as I mentioned earlier, no one has the right to control your happiness.
If you two end up together, I wish you all the luck in the world. I can pretty much promise you it will not be easy, but it will most definitely be worth the fight in the end.
After all, love always is.
- Sage Veritas