Relationships are tricky – in fact, relationships will make up the most nonsensical life experiences you will end up having. Other people aren’t supposed to make logical sense to us and frankly, if they did, relationships themselves would be boring as hell. We’re supposed to not understand why that guy won’t call us back, why this girl won’t answer our texts, and all the other wonderful “why’s” that make up young adult dating. It’s part of the fun. And for the times when it’s not so fun…well, that’s what you have GFB for!
Q: “I'm kind of in this situation where I met someone I really liked, and I feel like they led me on, and I had a really bad weekend and ended up telling them to lose my number, ie. I don’t want any contact with them, and then I've sent them a few texts to say that I was sorry and that I would like to try being friends, but I’m really worried that I just totally messed everything up, and I don’t know how to go about fixing things, I guess I just have to wait, but I have real problems with anxiety and am worried that I did a really bad thing and that it’s unforgiveable. I really don’t want them not in my life, but I know that’s totally their call. I know they have issues with anxiety too. I just don’t know how to say sorry in a diff way. I’d really appreciate an outsiders view on this.”
A: As you’ve already admitted to both us and yourself, you did something a bit rash in telling them to not talk to you anymore, when clearly that is not what you wanted.
First things first, you need to take a real deep breath. And then another. Continue on in this same trend until you have calmed yourself enough to remember something – this person likes you. If they did not, they wouldn’t have been talking to you in the first place. Then you need to ask yourself why it is that you felt they were leading you on. If it was anything more than your own insecurities (ie, something they did, said, other such shadiness that went on) then you may want to take time to re-evaluate your feelings about the budding relationship. Maybe you’re the one not ready to move beyond the ‘liking’ them stage, and that is why you lashed out in the way that you did.
If you’ve gone through all of the steps thus far, and concluded that you are calm, actually into this person, and you can form a cogent sentence to express how sorry you are, then any reasonable person would be more than willing to sit down and talk things out with you. The only unforgivable thing you could do, would be to let one bad weekend ruin something that could turn out in the end.
However, I have to say…I don’t much care how ‘bad’ of a weekend you had, that is not an excuse to take out your frustration on the person you’re talking to. There is a flip side to this situation though: now they’ve already seen your foolishness. If you come through this situation, there is fairly high hope for the future.
If you ‘kind of really like’ this person, here is what I want you to do: copy and paste what you just sent to me to answer, to them. Chances are, if they kind-of-really like you back...and in that case, you’re golden.