Let me tell you a story...

I want to tell you all a story. 

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She lived in a comfortable house on a normal street with a...dysfunctional family. She loved them all the same and thought the world of the people who raised her. She lived with her aunt and uncle, you see, though she didn't know why. Her mom died a long time ago. Her father came around sometimes to pick up her brother after school but that was all she knew of the balding man. It didn't bother her much; her uncle was more like a father to her, anyway.

She grew older. She grew into a beautiful teenager with long flowing hair and blue eyes. She was very feminine and very athletic. She met another girl. Seamlessly, they entered into a relationship. Excited, curious, exhilarated, she told her family. They threw things at her, screamed at her, called her names.Her aunt made her put on dirty clothes after she stripped the girl naked. Eventually, after seeing her aunt spraying everything she touched with Lysol, the girl realized she had to get out. So she pushed open her door and ran. 

At first, she didn't know where'd she go, but then, it came to her! She could go to her father's! The girl ran there faster then she'd run anywhere. Her father answered the door in boxers and ushered her in. 

That was the beginning of the worst mistake she had ever made.

Things happened there that the girl never thought were possible. Her heart broke over and over again. Eventually, she lost her relationship with the other girl, but things were so complicated then that she barely felt the blow of the loss. She lived in her father's house without heat, water, and eventually electricity. She was lost.

Eventually, the girl left there for good. Years later, she would deal with what happened there, but not any time sooner. It was through dealing with the trauma that the girl realized something. She wasn't comfortable with her female body. She had gained some weight and lost her toned athletic body but there was something else she couldn't quite place. 

It wasn't til she went to a therapist that she figured this all out. Being transgender described how she felt! This was why she hated her body, this was why she hated her breasts and curves and everything! It made her felt wonderful. 

So, she became he.

PART 2...

NEXT WEEK

--Liam

Application for GFB Staff

Name:

Age:

Location:

Pronoun Preferred:

Gender Identity:

Position Applying For(admin/vlogger/blogger/other):

Topic Passionate About:

What is one thing that we should know about yourself?

What are you able to bring to GFB if given the position applied?

RULES:

GFB bloggers must submit minimum of one blog per week. If you cannot, then an admin must be notified in a timely matter.

Failure to submit two blogs/vlogs will result in removal from blog/vlog staff.

To be eligible for an admin position, you must have successfully completed six months as a blogger/vlogger in good standing.

GFB staff can enter photo contests, but are not eligible to win.

PLEASE NOTE: Requirements for staff are subject to change at the discretion of and following a majority vote of the current admin staff. 

Blogger applicants are also asked to submit a writing sample to be considered.

Vlogger applicants are also asked to submit a video sample to be considered.

Identity (a month ago)

• I often used to dance in between genders, tip-toe around the lines of male and female. There used to be some solidarity in my visible trans-ness, in my genderqueer identity.
  
  That has all been lost.
  
  It didn’t disappear completely when I rubbed that first dose of testosterone on my hairless stomach, eager to transition. I stayed in between, genderless, fluid. I got stares in the women’s bathroom and I’d hear whispers in the men’s.
  
  “What is she doing in here?”
  
  Later, it became more direct, more aggressive. “You are in the wrong bathroom.”
  
  I was the poster boy for the trans* community, the queer community, the fat community. I went to events and marched with dykes. I slept with queer women. I wrote about being a LGBT youth, an activist, a boy. I lived and breathed my identity as a genderqueer boy.
  
  My connection to the trans* and queer communities disappeared when I started “passing”. After I started on testosterone injections, it seemed like new changes came every two weeks. Soon, I had hair everywhere! Before I knew it, my voice was changing. It never bothered me that I was being read as male more and more and trans*, female, or something in-between less and less.
  
  Not until now, that is.
  
  Now, I am read in society as a heterosexual male. I talk, walk, and interact with society in a surprisingly masculine manner. Men find it okay to demean or sexualize women around me. Sometimes, I stop them. Other times, I am too afraid to even open my mouth. I am privy to conversations that would make even the most sex-positive people cringe. And I am not happy.
  
  I miss the days of getting called “sir” one minute and “ma’am” the next. At the time, I laughed at it but secretly couldn’t stand it. I’d give everything to go back to those days.
  
  I can’t say that I had pressure to transition. No one was forcing me to take hormones or get top surgery. Despite all my confusion now, I feel as though I will never regret top surgery. Mostly, it is because my chest was something that made me feel wrong. I may not feel totally right, but I feel less wrong because of my surgery.
  
  So where does that leave me?
  
  L.L. Wolf

  about a month ago · Delete Post
• 

  Sheri Beari

  Thank you for sharing your journey, it's amazing to see your heart so open and I thank you for that~ not an easy feat for either gender. ♥

Liam's Bio (a month ago)

• Liam Wolf (L.L. Wolf) is a twenty three year old trans*/genderqueer boy who is struggling with his sense of identity. He has a past as a throw-a-way/run-a-way youth and is motivated to help other LGBT youth with similar issues. His story of how he lost his home was published in an anthology called "Kicked Out". He is also involved in the animal rights movement and has been a foster parent to many dogs and cats from the Philadelphia city shelter. He lives in a house in N.E. Philadelphia with his awesome room mate, his two cats, his room mates two cats, an additional foster cat, and a foster dog that rocks.

  about a month ago · Delete Post
• 

  Ace Ricker

  Glad to hear you stayed strong Liam. I am twenty two and have dealt with being disowned to several other struffles that were on my journey through life so far. I work wit a wide range of groups from True Colors, to CTEquality and many others like Habitat for Humanity. Hope all is well in Philadelphia for you.
  
  -Ace

Your Name (2 months ago)

• Today everything revolves around names it seems. So we want to know the story behind your name. Whether you are FTM that changed your name to fit your gender identity, a masculine lesbian who dislikes their feminine name, or drag name. Names vary a lot, but in my experience, a lot of transguys have the same name (ie Aidan, Hayden, etc).
  
  My legal name wasn't always Chance Mysteri DeSilvah. Actually, my lawyer is still working on my name change (should be finalized in September). My name is not common by all means nor reflects the name given to me at birth. Like most transguys, I was born with a very feminine name. My mother was originally told by doctors she was having a boy. So she picked the name Brian John. My older cousin who was allowed to name me if I were born female, picked Baby Lisa. Yes, Baby as my first name. Well, needless to say, the doctor, or a higher being, messed up and out popped a female. Quickly my mother named me Lisa Marie. I have despised that name my entire life, even as a small child. I was the poster child transguys, though my mother refused to believe it, tossing it to the side as a "phase." At the age of three a family member called me Chance after doing some daring reckless stunk, to this day they won't tell me what I had done. After that I refused to be called Lisa. Ignoring everyone who didn't comply with my name, except my late Uncle Howard, who called me Lee. He told me when I was eight there was a mystery about me and he wanted to help me solve it. He always told me to be who I truly was inside, but never gave me any details. When I was ten, he died from cancer, age twenty nine. I took it extremely hard. After nine months of blaming myself and crying every night for him to forgive me and come back, I took upon the name Chance Mysteri. I even refused being called Lee, claiming only my uncle was allowed to call me that. That was, until my youngest sister was born when I was fifteen. Right after she was born, I had my second "coming out." My first being in grade school when I came out as gay. This time I came out to everyone around me as transgender.
  
  Today, I look back and see that my uncle knew. I was young and he did not want to overstep his boundaries. I see that now. And he is still one of my heroes to this day. I never told anyone until now about the true meaning behind my middle name. I always just said it was a nickname that did not stick. Well, here is the truth. The truth of the name Chance Mysteri DeSilvah.
  
  Now it is your turn. Tell us your name's story. And if you are struggling with finding your name, some of us may be able to help find your true name so let us know.
  
  
  
  -WolfBoi

  about 2 months ago · Delete Post
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  Franki Thedon

  My birth name was Francesca Miya Dean... so how did I get to
  Franki Tumultus Alexander? And why does 'Miles' deserve a special mention?
  
  
  Firstly Francesca. For most of my life most people have not even called me this. Mostly relatives, official and authority figures. I did use to really like and be proud of my name: it is pleasingly aesthetic, and at the time it was pretty unique. However, it was too long for most people to spell or pronounce correctly [ you have NO idea how often people got one or the other wrong] and usually a letter or two too long for videogame handles! So I had both Fran and Frankie (and 'cesca out of sheer laziness by my sister for some time). Frankie was given to me by my best friend in primary school which at first I HATED. Hilarious knowledge to me now, of course. Once I'd got to secondary school I drifted from my best friend, and switched exclusively to Fran to my peers (although the nastier ones made up their own names that i refuse to give lip service too). It was just a lot easier all round. The longer I was referred to and used the convenient Fran, the more abstract my 'real' name became. My identity was built up and attached to Fran. By college at 16 I'd stopped bothering to say 'Francesca-but-call-me-Fran' and just introduced myself as Fran because that's who I was. Francesca was just a novelty fact about myself.
  
  My trans awakening was a bitty process and not crystal clear trans road map. I'd first really conciously acknowledged there was something different about my gender at about 18, in my first year of university, semi-came out as a boy to my boyfriend, then the following summer one night freaked out about a life of scary surgery and omg i've got it totally wrong and went racing back in the closet. As odd as it may seem for you hyper aware types, I actually forgot about it. Maybe it was suppressing who knows. but it started to rise again the next year. at first i rejected all gender like a second-wave feminist and believed it was all one big con and i was having none of it. I bumped into a trans* person on a totally unrelated forum and nervously, almost didn't, sent a tentative question saying i had slight gender issues but they were probably little and no big deal but could they help. it snowballed from there and i've had an evolving identity crises ever since, mostly settling on genderqueer. I'm now 21 and out of uni.
  
  I digress. I decided to changed my name at the ending of my final academic year.
  
  Fran had become too mentally attached to my old, female life. So I went with my old nickname. I dropped the e after reading about too many female Frankies. I felt Franki was a unique and androgynous variant. Sometimes it bothers me to still have the same root, but I honestly can't think of myself as a whole new name. it's too ingrained. I don't mind still being called Fran too much but I now consider it a contraction of Franki and Franki to be my true name.
  
  I was going to have Miles as a switchout of Miya because it's a great name and it's the first name of 'Tails' from sonic the character who I used to always play as. Just nerdery and nostalgia there. Plus my family has some weird thing about having an M name somewhere according to my mum. But I decided I needed for my name to not be so easily comparable to my old one. I still like Miles and like it as one of my top choice pseudonyms. It's on the name bench, so to speak.
  
  My Surname changed as part of needing a fresh start, for privacy and mental freedom.
  Alexander, which could have also been Alexis, could have been first or a middle name, but it just happened to work better as a surname. Alexander, or Alexis, is a cool fantasy esque sound, male yet could be androgynous if shortened to Alex. It also would have been my first name if I'd been assigned male. Bittersweet, empowering reclaimation,.. or a nice homage to my parents? All of the above probably.
  
  Tumultus was a shout out to my new more politcal, activist life recently and hopefully in the future - it is 'Latin for 'uprising' and shows my love for wordplay and English etymology.
  
  The name choicing was also based on word flow but i can't recall my exact process. My Word size has reverse flow to my old name. Long short short to Short Long Long. I also during my process of playing around with the four names paid attention to intials order. FATM (pointed out to be Franki against the ma(n)chine hehe) once, and I nearly had FTM!!! Which while funny at first would soon grow weary. I think the final FTA is quite innocuous and I get to be Franki The Alexander too. :P
  
  I tried having Alexander as my first name but i just couldn't get use to it. Sometimes I feel like losing my root altogether and becoming alex[/ander/lexis] or miles or felix or issac (two names i also like for geeky characters in Golden Sun reason actually come to think of it Alex was in Golden Sun too lol).
  
  My name is not perfect but it is so incredibly thought out to the last detail.
  
  
  
  

  about 2 months ago ·

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  Franki Thedon

  Out of interest my male-assigned middle name would have been Gryffin. Very very cool. but would have been a pain because of harry potter, then awesome because of harry potter, but then I AM RAVENCLAW. Fun fact.

  about 2 months ago ·

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  Franki Thedon

  I remember whenever my mum told me about my 'born as a boy name' i always thought SUCH A COOL NAME.
  
  Also my middle name was very nearly poppy instead of the admittedly cool but totally wrong for me now Miya. Poppy... so even less like me than the feminine Francesca or Miya it's ridiculous. Also glad to ditch surname Dean, while sad for familynesss, when the very name Dean suggests a conservative authority.
  
  

  about 2 months ago ·

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  Genderfuk Boiz

  Thank you guys for posting. This is pretty heavy stuff and it's nice to see we aren't alone in the world and everyone has things that don't get shared often. Thanks again, you're great. - Jenn

  about 2 months ago · Delete Post
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  Rey Reyes

  My birth name is: Stephanie Reyes. I have always hated my first name and it does not fit with my personality. At 17, I joined the military as an Aerial Gunner and was surrounded by guys. There were only 4 female gunners to approximately 100 male gunners. Being in the military, prohibited me from being “gay” or expressing my thoughts about wanting to become a male but that was not necessary. During one of my deployments to Iraq, the crew of 12 guys agreed they couldn’t refer me by my first name…it did not fit me, so they gave me the nickname “Rey” or “Rey Rey”. Within a month, everybody in the squadron referred to me by my nickname given, I loved it. Once I got out of the military, I decided to stick to it. I am pre everything and eventually, I will change my name to Stephen but for now, Rey is my name.

  about 2 months ago ·

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  Jaxx Thomas Eclipse

  Well my birthname is Patricia Beatrice Guyon - I hated that name and was always called Pat or Patrick by family as a joke. I always played mortal kombat and used Jax as the character. This year when I finally came out at Transmale. I had originally had the choice between Michael Thomas Eclipse and Jaxx Thomas Eclipse. and with the help of my ex Ashley Herres I choose Jaxx. Since my name my family and alot of friends still try to call me patty or patricia or pat and i dont respond... Now at work I am called Jaxx but they still use female pronouns for me, bc of my gender marker and force me to us the f bathroom. I am pre everything. and it is harder for me to pass because I am very femme in the face and everything.
  

  about 2 months ago ·

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  Franki Thedon

  i have to respond to my old names with my parents or they would get really mad at me. it's so not fair.

  about 2 months ago ·

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  Franki Thedon

  living at home again is really ruining my gender confidence. misnamed and misgendered etc 24/7. when i try to pull my mum up on something something-ist she just laughs and calls me a rebel without a cause.

  about 2 months ago ·

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  Drayden Michael Enloe

  Well My mother names me Wendy Lynne when I was born. She had cancer and was told that another child was out of the question. When she found out that she was pregnant with me, she told god if I was a girl she would name me Wendy (like peter pan) because i would be an excellent mother. After 4-5 months, she was told I was going to be a boy, every ultra sound came up the same, so then my name was going to be Drayden Michael. When I was born on June 13th of 1983, I ended up being a little girl, with a lot of boiz clothes lol. My sister kept telling my mom that i was definitely going to be a lesbian. and I was only 2 yrs old. Well as it turned out at 9 yrs old. I told my mom i was gay, and at 16 everyone started calling me christian Michael, when I turned 18 my mom told me what she was going to name me, when she thought I was a little boi. And ever since than Drayden Michael Enloe it was.

Pronoun Wars (6 months ago)

• Pronoun Wars
  
  Last night we went to the store. I was in jeans and a button down with my hair in a ponytail, a giant blue leather purse and dangling earrings in my ears. He was in jeans and a hoodie with a hat on, skate shoes, wallet in the back pocket. I paid for my purchases and as the cashier was ringing him up I heard her say "hello ma'am". I looked up, thinking she was addressing me because I had forgotten something, and that's when I realized that, yet again, he was being called she.
  
  I watched his face scrunch up for a millisecond before he clamped his mouth shut and conducted the entire transaction in silence. I didn't know what to do. I was boiling with rage and just wanted to find a way to make it all better. Couldn't the cashier see that every piece of clothing he wore was only sold in the men's section? What was she basing her gendered salutation on? A few minutes earlier he had asked her a question, was she basing it off the octave of his voice? Yet again I cursed the circumstances that make him unable to start hormone therapy or pursue gender marker/name changes until the United States government no longer owns him.
  
  Is it my place to jump in and defend his honor when that happens, or am I supposed to stand there and take my cues from him? What if he doesn't want me to make a scene, or he thinks it isn't a big deal? Who am I kidding, it's always a big deal. I can see how much it hurts him when they mistake him like that.
  
  So, if it was you, what would you do? How do you deal with this constant need to defend your identity? What do you do in that situation? How do you say to someone "I'm not a "ma'am", I'm a "sir", and would appreciate you address me as such"? There's no good way to do it that I can think of.
  
  

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Genderfuk Boiz

  Now, I am not the tearjerker type of guy.. but this truly got to me.. reading this, made me recount that situation, as well as a few others that have happened.. I truly never thought about what went through the mind of transgender people's partners', families', or friends' minds when these things happen.. thank you so much for writing this -CMD

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Genderfuk Boiz

  was important to me to get this out there because I always feel so effing helpless and useless when this happens. I used to love being called "sir" back in my gender bending days, but it's been ages since anyone's called my gender presentation into question. I wish I knew how to handle it and how to correct people that make mistakes. - JLA
  
  p.s. I don't know why it isn't letting me post as myself. I edited the settings, but whatevs. I'll try and fix it when I get home.
  

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Genderfuk Boiz

  An interesting question.
  
  I'm of the opinion that if you want people to pronoun you correctly, then it is important to politely correct those who don't. Making sure that people pronoun you correctly serves as more of a self confidence booster than anything else given that many of the people that any one individual interacts with on any given day are strangers and are not particularly likely to interact with you again.
  
  Finding the head space that allows you to correct people about your pronouns serves in it's own capacity towards making you more capable of passing. The less you question it, the less other people will as well.
  
  -Leigh
  

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Logan James Stinnett

  I don't know why people are so afraid to correct people, including myself. I've learned that when it comes to strangers, you probably won't see them again. I pass 99% of the time now, and when that 1% happens to come up, I look at them funny and just say "i'm a guy". My current partner in my early stages of transition would make sure to use male pronouns for me so there was no questioning. My advice is to use male pronouns for him no matter what. So if he got ma'amed I would figure out some sort of sentence directed towards him with a male pronoun. Always stand up for your man. It doesn't have to cause a scene. Just correct them as politely as you can muster
  
  

  about 6 months ago ·

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  Kat Helter

  To me Gender is such a fluid thing that I rarely think of pronouns. If you have ever heard me talk about my SO you will realize that I tend to switch genders in the middle of a sentence and for part of our relationship it didn't bother him in the least. Now though that he is working on passing more I tend to remember the male pronouns. Though at times I just totally forget. Its not for lack of respect for him at all. Sometimes it is really hard to remember that I separate Queer home life (where things like this don't matter) from Queer work life where I am just happy I work somewhere where I can be out.
  I also think that sometimes its an age related thing when I forget. No not that I am so old that I can't remember, but that a lot of people my age just aren't used to being so out about things.
  Heck with as fluid as I tend to be I can get sir'd before my boy does. Wrap your mind around that one.

  about 6 months ago ·

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  Genderfuk Boiz

  well, as you guys know (since only people who know me IRL have posted on this so far, lol) I use the preferred pronouns of the individual in question. I just don't know how to handle it when you're in a situation where there's no need for a pronoun (like at the cash register) and the wrong one gets used. If we are both there, should I handle it since I"m crazy outspoken, or let him handle it? I mean, this has happened with various people in various cities at various points in my life. I'm always unsure what action to take. - JLA

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Kat Helter

  JLA,
  I am honestly surprised you don't just say something like, "Honey did you remember the condoms?" Casue even if that doesn't make the cashier change pronouns it would sure make her think.
  I think the only time it bother me is when the person is trans themselves of part of the community and by addressing my boy as she it's like they are trying to remove themselves from the community. We had a server that was very family and trans that kept addressing my boy as she even tho the server heard me use male pronouns with him. Both of us respectfully used she for the server but she kept using she for my boy. To me that is the hight of disrespect.
  So i guess just short of going "Hey, this is my boyfriend!" there isn't a whole lot you can do in passing situations. If its a friend addressing him as female I would definitely correct them.

  about 6 months ago ·

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  Genderfuk Boiz

  well, we were at Staples, so I don't think the condom line would have worked there. I did bust out a "oh, you can give him the bill" when we were at dinner and the server used the wrong pronoun, though.
  
  WIN! - JLA
  

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Genderfuk Boiz

  This ignites lots of feelings that have been put deep down inside of me. It happens more than it doesn't, in my opinion.. but a lot of the time I just get a confused look and muffled whispers. In no way, shape, or form, is this EVER okay to just ALLOW someone to treat you that way, whether they know you personally or it was a mistake. Gender is something that has become a HUGE issue to me, and over the past few years, I have met some amazing people, male or female. I agree with the majority of you, that there shouldn't be a title, or two boxes to check male or female. There should just be a space for your name and age. Society will never subside to understanding fully..atleast not yet. Maybe in a few years the government will loosen up the reigns on the disgusting laws they have passed, but until then... United we stand, Genderfuk proud. -J roc

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Deadboy Shotgunn

  Sometimes people get odd about it but usually they apologize if they offended me. Maybe I'm used to it, and maybe i've informed enough people that i see often so now it doesnt happen normally.

  about 4 months ago ·

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  Bois 4 Bois (Lesbians)

  I think this is a really interesting discussion actually.
  
  Going back the original post, the clothing you described matches what my wife and I both wear on a regular basis. I think the only "female" clothing items we own are sports bras, and maybe a couple of pairs of the female boxer-brief underwear. We both identify as bois, but also use female pronouns and still identify as lesbian as well.
  
  So, basically masculine centered females, I guess. I personally consider myself kind of genderqueer, because I don't identify as male, I don't consider myself trans, but I also don't entirely identify with being female. That being said....
  
  When it comes to the queer community, I could care less if people use female or male pronouns when addressing me. It's such a fluid environment and I know they aren't using he/she as an insult or in an attempt to shove me into some stereotypical box, so it is really inconsequential to me.
  
  But outside of the queer community, I do expect people to use female pronouns. Yes, I have short hair, dress in clothes from the men's department, and have masculine mannerisms. But most of the time when straight people are "sir'ing" me, I know it's not a genuine mistake.
  
  It's them finding a way to say "because you're masculine, and because you don't fit the stereotype of what I think a woman should look like, it makes you less of a woman or not a woman at all." It's often done in an insulting manner, because my gender presentation has made them uncomfortable in some way.
  
  As far as correcting goes, I let it slide a lot. Or if they "sir" me, I'll refuse to respond to that, at which point they usually get the message. Or I will walk away entirely.
  
  I think it is hard when it comes to service industries and retail industries too. I have worked both, and I avoided pronouns as much as possible, because honestly, you never know what someone prefers to be called. There are also people who feel "sir" or "mam" makes them sound old, and that's a whole different set of problems, lol.
  
  As a cashier you aren't going to ask every person what their preferred pronouns are, and it probably gets really confusing for cashiers who get a couple like the original poster and her boyfriend, who identifies as male. Then let's say that same cashier gets me and my wife, who probably have a very similar gender presentation when it comes to clothes and hair, but we want be addressed with female pronouns....
  
  So, ultimately, on first glance, that cashier is going to be really clueless on what to do, even if she doesn't want to be insulting.
  
  Ultimately, if it seems like an honest mistake, a polite correction should fix the problem. If it seems like it is done to be nasty.... then it could lead to an altercation. Which is where you have to make the decision of whether or not this one instance is worth fighting over, or if it's better to walk away and not deal with that person.
  
  Most of the time I just try to walk away, because I don't feel like it is worth it to have something possibly escalate and get out of control.

Casey J Intro Blog (6 months ago)

• Hi guys, my name is Casey J. I’m 22, about to graduate college and head into grad school in the fall. Because of my chosen area of study, I’m not going to talk much about it to avoid potential issues. I identify as male.
  
  The first thing you need to know about me is that I was never the least bit masculine or androgynous until the age of 21. My nicknames as a child were “chipmunk cheeks” and “plump pink piglet.” Despite the alliteration in the latter, it was not amusing to an 8 year old with gender confusion and self-esteem issues. I longed to be masculine my entire life, but after a failed attempt at presenting male in middle school, I settled for butch(ish) lesbian. You see, I could dress however I wanted, hide my body, bind, cut my hair, everything I could think of, but there was always one problem that made me clearly female.
  
  My face.
  
  With short hair, my large cheeks were only made more prominent. Long hair thinned them out a little, or at least gave me something to hide behind, but it became a gender marker. Girls would compliment my hair and tell me they wished theirs was that pretty. It completely defeated the purpose of having the damn hair if it just made me “pretty.”
  
  Which, I suppose, is the problem. I have a pretty face.
  
  I have heard that enough to be assured of its validity. I have now been on testosterone for over a year, and it wasn’t until around 9 months in that I began being perceived as male on a regular basis. I still get “ma’amed,” but much less frequently, and most people correct themselves once I speak. Top surgery also helped this, though I was referred to by female pronouns just yesterday by someone who I made eye contact with.
  
  Five weeks after surgery, over a year after testosterone.
  
  I blame my face.
  
  My walk, while not macho, is not feminine. My body language has been carefully tailored to be as masculine as possible. I did a great deal of reading on the topic, spent hours practicing in the mirror, and made sure it’s all perfect to avoid the pronoun issue.
  
  The goal of my transition was simply this: to make myself masculine enough to be androgynous. I had no hopes of anything further, though I would *love* to be tall dark and handsome. Which brings me to my main point. How does anyone reconcile who they wish they could be with who they are? Where is the line between what can be changed and what cannot?
  
  I see many of my transgender friends struggling with this issue. We all know that we cannot get any taller, cannot change the size of our hands or feet, cannot avoid scarring if we choose surgical interventions, and cannot undo what nature did to us.
  
  But dammit, we have a choice in how we accept what we’ve been given. The best we can do is live with humility, change what we can, and love ourselves for who we are. We can be unhappy about this curse, but we cannot let it destroy us. What is the point of it all if we’ll never be happy? The middle ground is the best some of us can aspire to. I think, deep down, those of us that will always be androgynous know it. I think the cisgendered men who are born with similar faces to mine curse it sometimes too, but they learn to live with it because it’s what they have.
  
  Most of my relationship problems would have been avoided if I could’ve realized what was and was not possible for me much sooner.
  
  I will never be a hot, sexy, manly man, but I am a man, and I am a kind man. That’s enough.

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Genderfuk Boiz

  Thank you for being so open and honest about your Achilles' heel and being secure enough to show your vulnerability.
  
  I have to say, though, I think you are mistaken with one of your statements. You say "I will never be a hot, sexy, manly man", but I say I am quite sure there are individuals for whom you fill that role nicely. Have faith, you are a good man. :)
  
  - JLA

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post

• Post Deleted

  about 6 months ago
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  Genderfuk Boiz

  Thank you, Amanda! I do want to clarify, though, I don't mean to say that being born a woman was a curse. Rather, the curse refers more to the constant feeling of disconnection between body and mind, and the fact that my body doesn't reflect what I see internally. I love women, I think they're wonderful, I have just never been one mentally.
  Congratulations on the pregnancy, I hope the birth goes well and with as few complications as possible!
  -Casey J

  about 6 months ago · Delete Post
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  Genderfuk Boiz

  Casey, I'm sorry for that. It appears that not everyone is willing to do research or be respectful of others' gender identity. Upon discussion that member has been removed as this is the second time they've been disrespectful of a community member's gender identity. - JLA

  about 5 months ago · Delete Post

Leigh's bio (6 months ago)

Alrighty. Howdy folks. I never what to do with these autobiographical-tell us-all-about-yourself pieces.

So, I’ll start with some slightly more relevant things and then move on to some general stuff.

Right, so…yes. First things first, I really dislike labels. I understand that they are considered socially exceptable and all that crap, they just make me kind of queasy. Not my cup of tea. For those who are sticklers for them, or are even just mildly interested, I fall somewhere in the masculine/genderqueer portion of the gender continuum and am currently more comfortable with male pronouns as that is how I am presenting at present (binding, packing and ocassionally working with false facial hair). I do fluctuate, though. Oh yeah…I’m fluid like that.

All that said, I’m excited about blogging for GFB. For the time being I’ll be writing about whatever I can wrap my head around (or need help wrapping my head around) unless someone tells me to write about something more specific. There’s so much going on in this community and those associated with it that I’m sure I will be able to talk about some thing or another. I’m interested in psychology and psychology and sociology and religion and all sorts of art and will be making an effort to incorperate all of those things into my blogging.

I’ll also be keeping a close eye on ToughxCookies and perhaps writing some pieces related to whats going on with all the fierce femmes over there.

Also, you will likely never actually see me speak for two reasons – A: I have no camera worth recording myself with. B: I’m uber self-concious about my voice and stuff. So, yeah. Just a heads up since I know that vlogs are going to be a prominent part of GFB.

General about me stuff:

I’m 24. I work as a homeschool facilitator/learning coach to my youngest sister and a nanny to a delightful 2 year old as well as a freelance artist. I spend free time drawing, playing guitar, singing, watching movies and playing some video games.

I’m a total nerd. Yes, I like anything to do with Star Wars, Dungeons and Dragons, Scrabble, literature and other nerd-like things.

…and I’m going to stop typing now because I will begin to ramble otherwise.

If I’ve left out something that you’re insanely curious about feel free to beat me about the neck and head with a soft packer (aka just ask) and I’ll be sure to answer to the best of my ability.